Day 11 - How do you manage dysphoria
Friday 12th April
Since I transitioned last year and even more since I've started on hormones my sense of dysphoria is so much less than it was.
The worst that I remember it being was while driving to Bristol for a burlesque class. I looked at my arms and could see hair on them and it began to affect me. I was literally on the verge of turning around and driving back home but I managed to keep driving, I focussed on the fact that I was going to somewhere that I enjoyed, where I was accepted for who I was and where I was developing talents that I'd never have dreamed of previously.
I can still look at my body and think I hate it, I wish that I'd been born with the right one. When I get feelings like that I think about what is causing those feelings, hair on my body, the thing between my legs, lack of breast growth or something else. I think about whatever it is and then remember that I can deal with those things. I can remove the hair on my body with laser, electrolysis, epilation and shaving. I can tuck things securely between my legs and eventually will have surgery to correct what is down there. The hormones will eventually sort out other areas of my body and surgery can sort out anything that needs a bit of artificial help, in the meantime there are artificial ways to sort those out.
I may not be the way that I should have been and noticing that can be distressful at times but as long as I remember that I am finally sorting things out and that there are things I can do in the meantime then I can manage my dysphoria and get through the bad times.