Saturday, 16 July 2011

There goes the weekend.

At 12:30am this morning my other half rolls home from a night out with the girls.

I'm tired and want to get to sleep but she natters on.

After having told her what time I need to be in Bristol, which I've told her several times over the last few days, she announces that she needs the car to go and get some shopping, ice cream for the group of youngsters descending on our house tonight, that she'd forgotten before I set off.

The chance of her getting up in time, getting to the shops and then being back in order for me to leave by 9am are very slim.

She then starts making other comments which I'm not going to repeat but which indicate that she does not trust me to stay away for a night.

Lets be honest all she really wants me to do is to go to work, earn my wage, come back home at night and not have a life. She certainly doesn't want me to go out and actually enjoy myself with other people unless its sanctioned by her. At least that's the impression I get.

So its now crawling towards 2am in the morning and I can't sleep, I'm wide awake.

I'm going to have to contact people and tell them that I can't make it. The hassle that I'll get from the other half is just not worth it.

So my weekend is completely ruined now.

I hope she enjoys her weekend.

Friday, 15 July 2011

Club O

Tomorrow night is Fiendish at Club O in Bristol.

I've been meaning to go there for a while and now I have the perfect excuse as a couple of the girls from Pink Kitten are performing.

It should be an absolutely fabulous night, I just hope that I can stay the pace. Who knows, I might even meet someone interesting!

Going to be Proud tomorrow

Tomorrow is Bristol Gay Pride.

I wasn't able to make Sparkle in Manchester this year and so this being practically on the doorstep will be just as much fun. Plus its a chance for me to spend a day as Jenny in public without having to worry too much about how people react.

Of course I could have gone the easy route and bought a ticket and simply turned up but no, never one for doing the easy thing me.

I'm going to be taking part in the march, probably tripping over my own feet in the process.

Why tripping over? Well the dance school where I have my burlesque class have a presence on the march and also at the events afterwards. I've volunteered to join the group that will be on the march as part of a small cheer-leading team that has been put together especially. I've been trying to commit the routine to memory. On Wednesday I had an hour practice with the rest of the team learning the routine and have been going over it in my head and practicing it whenever I've had the opportunity. I'm nearly there with most of the moves but there's one that really could see me tripping over my own two feet. After an hour of repeating the routine on the move I'm sure that I'll have it cracked! Shame the march is only an hour long.

After the march I'm going to be glamming up as Pink Kitten are going to be doing some workshops at the main event area, I might just be handing out leaflets but who knows I might also need to do some burlesque.

So if your out and about in Bristol tomorrow and see the march watch out for the Pink Kitten cheer-leading squad and give us a shout. We should be easy to spot as we'll be the ones in the pink tee-shirts, black skirts or trousers and waving some really snazzy pom-poms.

Sunday, 3 July 2011

Finally

Its been a long time since I first started seeking out help to resolve my Gender Dysphoria.

The first time I actively discussed things with a doctor was back in about 1995, before I was married. My GP turned to me and asked me a question. "If I could give you a pill right now that would make you completely female, would you take it?" I didn't hesitate with my answer. "Yes."

It was another 5 years before I next went to a doctor to discuss my GD. In fact I didn't strictly discuss my GD with a doctor. My son had been taken seriously ill and I sat down with the hospital social worker and told her everything. She talked to the doctor and got me a referral for an initial assessment. It was an unmitigated disaster as the counsellor who assessed me basically sent me away with no support or no suggestion of where I go to get support.

Another couple of years went by and I went to my GP and asked for a referral. This time I saw someone different. He asked me questions and listened to what I had to say and agreed to refer me onwards. Within a few weeks I had an appointment at Charing Cross. Again things didn't go to plan and at the last minute I cancelled my appointment. I didn't know why at the time but 7 months later my son was taken ill again and the entire family pretty much uprooted to Bristol for 6 months, getting home literally just in time for Christmas Eve.

In 2009 I decided that I needed to resolve things again, this time I popped along to a private clinic for an initial assessment. Everything went find, I saw a counsellor, had various tests done and was told how much treatment would cost. I went home to wait 2 weeks for the test results to come back.
When they did come back I was shocked by what the nurse had to tell me. The doctor had written across the top of the results "White cell count a bit low but that's understandable because of the patients prior Leukaemia. Suggest has blood test redone by own GP."
What Leukaemia? I've never had it in my life. My son has had it but not me. My GP redid the tests and they all came out fine. Any confidence I'd had in the clinic went right out the window. If the doctor that would be in charge of my treatment couldn't even listened to me correctly then there was no way I'd put myself in his hands.

A couple of months went by and I changed my GP to one of the female doctors from a male doctor that I'd been allocated to when my GP retired. I decided that the time had come to try the NHS route once again. I received my appointment to have an initial assessment once more but this time I didn't make the appointment because my son was taken ill again, which had us seriously worried again and I cancelled the appointment just in case it was something serious. It wasn't.

In 2010 I went back to my GP, apologised for pulling out of my appointment at the last moment and asked if we could try again. She agreed and referred me for another assessment. This one I managed to make and instead of the hour grilling I was expecting, only had a half an hour chat with a psychiatric nurse. She asked me to come back two weeks later. When I did she told me that I was being referred to a psychiatrist for further assessment.

I had 3 assessments with the psychiatrist and on the third asked for a referral to the Gender Identity Clinic.

Four months after asking for the referral I have an appointment at The Laurels. Tomorrow, 4th July 2011, I will finally walk into a gender clinic and hopefully will be on the way to being a female full time. Its still a long road ahead but tomorrow I will finally do what I set out to do 13 years ago in  Bristol.

Friday, 1 July 2011

What's your favourite season of the year?

I love spring because of the freshness of everything. The new plants and animals.

I love autumn because of all the colours.

I love the winter when lots of snow is covering the ground and everyone has to walk rather than jump in a car and drive.

I hate summer when the weather is so hot that you feel like you melting and the sun beats down and you turn bright red because you've been out for hours and forgot to put on that darn suntan lotion.

I love any season when there has been a good rainstorm and that smell of freshness you get afterwards.

What was the weirdest gift you ever received?

I've never had any really weird gifts. I've had presents, usually DVDs, that I've thought "why did you get me that, I'm never going to actually watch that because I'm not interested in it"

Ask me anything

More pain

Another trip to Southampton today for laser.
My appointment is a bit earlier so I've got the day off. In fact I'm not back in work until Tuesday because I've got to be in Exeter on Monday. Will be posting about that trip next week.