Monday, 28 March 2011

Guess how much I love you

Our church has made the decision, like a number of others, to allow younger children (from 7 upwards) to take communion provided that they have completed a short course in order to learn more about it and their parents agree to it. Its not a confirmation course, that will occur when they are older.

There are about a half a dozen children taking the course and they will be having their first communion on Easter Sunday. They wont necessarily be partaking of wine as suitable alternatives for the younger ones will be on offer, in fact the point had been made that perhaps now would be a good time to move away from using communion wine to something like grape juice as there are several members of the congregation who shouldn't be partaking of the tiny quantities of wine involved.

Yesterday, we had one of the course sessions in church so that everyone could run through the communion service, what is meant by each part and also for the children to get their first taste of communion wavers and wine, or juice in some cases.

As we ran through each part we discussed what the words that the vicar say and the vicar responds with means.

Now its a long time since I was confirmed and I have to admit I don't really think about the meaning of the words. I should really as they are so important to the relationship between a Christian and God.

One of the parts that we say is:

In Christ you share our life that we may live in him and he is us.
He opened his arms of love upon the cross and made the perfect sacrifice for sin.

As we talked about its meaning I was struck by the image of Jesus on the cross.

Jesus hangs on the cross with his arms so wide open in a gesture of love and greeting. After all this time taking communion it was a wow moment.

I might be getting on a bit but even this old dog can learn something new from time to time.

Guess how much I love you? 
I love you this much.

Friday, 11 March 2011

One step closer to starting the clock counting down to going full time

I saw the psychiatrist, in Taunton, again today and she has agreed to refer me to The Laurels Gender Identity Clinic in Exeter.
I don't know when I'll get my appointment with them as I'm now on two waiting lists. One at the clinic that my psychiatrist is at and the other at The Laurels.
When I get to the top of the list at my psychiatrist's clinic then I get referred to The Laurels and then go onto their waiting list.
With a bit of luck I'll have an appointment with The Laurels before the end of the year.

Now I simply have to start going out more as Jenny and also tell my son what is happening, but first to discuss all this with my wife so that she can make her own decision as to whether she wants to try and make a go of the marriage or not.

The decision as to whether or not to go full time before I get to The Laurels is mine. If I go full time beforehand then it works to my advantage as the time counts towards my Real Life Test, if I wait until I get to the GIC then I have to start the RLT at that point.
Having given it a little bit of thought, not too much but it was fairly obvious which option I'd choose, I've decided that I'm going to wait until I get to The Laurels in order to go full time so that I can have all the information that I need in order to go do things properly, things like how to go about telling work colleagues, changing my name and everything.

I've also got to think long and hard about whether I want to have full surgery or stop short. At the moment I want to have the full surgery. Having discussed my sexuality with the psychiatrist and having her give me two different viewpoints on that I will be waiting a while to make a final decision on that.

I was a little bit emotional after I left and was driving to Bristol. I'd have burst into tears if I wasn't so good at keeping my emotions under control and also wasn't doing 70 on the motorway.

An hour and a half of dance lesson did me the world of good though. I've got my burlesque routine sorted out, including all the bits to add a bit of POW! to it. One more lesson in the middle of April and then I will be performing it to some friends at the end of April so 6 weeks until Jenna Von Risque performs her first burlesque show. After that point I'll probably start going to the classes and learn a routine as part of a group. Once I've done that, well as my first routine is going to be me and not a character we jokingly said my third routine would be Dorothy from the the Wizard of Oz, my teacher said we could do it if she could be the Cowardly Lion. I might just remind her of that at some point!

Wednesday, 2 March 2011

Fill in the blanks

Livi over at Livi's Little Bubble posted a response to a post by HUN over at Up North, entitled “Fill in the blanks”.

It was interesting so here is my take on it.

I am...
lots of things
someone colleagues go to for help and to ask questions.
a friend
a son/daughter
a brother/sister - although the last is a bit of a sore point
a parent
a budding burlesque performer
a transsexual
and not what you expect

but most of all
I am me and what I make of myself.

The bravest thing I have ever done...
was staying strong for my family when my son relapsed for the second time after treatment for Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia and needed a bone marrow transplant. A transplant that we weren't given very good odds of it being successful. Nearly three years on and he's still with us even though we've had a few scares along the way.

I feel prettiest when...
Lou has done my hair. When my highlights have been redone, my hair has been trimmed and then put into a bit more of a feminine style for me to go home with.

Something that keeps me awake at night is...
paying the bills, being busy at work and having a particularly interesting problem to resolve, transitioning and how people will react, thinking about those people that are really special to me.

My favourite meal is...
anything that includes mushrooms or strawberries but not both in the same dish. I love mushrooms, I could eat a huge plate of them on their own. There is something about button mushrooms whether whole or cut in halved that makes them taste delicious. I love strawberries, especially if they come with several scoops of vanilla icecream. Bliss.

The way to my heart is...
to tell me that you love me, accept how I really am and not the person that is presented to the majority of world at the moment, to want to help me to grow and to release the woman that is inside. To tell me all these and to be honest and truthful when you do, not to tell me what you think I want to hear. To be that special person for whom I will open my heart and allow myself to become vulnerable to whatever you do or say.

I would like to be...
loved by someone really special, who understands me and supports me and wants to see me grow as a woman.