Tuesday, 21 September 2010

Under the weather

Tomorrow I have my second appointment with the psychiatrist. Unfortunately I'm going to have to rearrange it as over the weekend I developed a cough which was bad enough for me to make an appointment to see my GP yesterday and also to phone work and tell them I wont be in for a few days until I'm no longer coughing.

My boss agreed with my decision as we can't afford for me to pass on whatever I've got to the rest of the team and to have large numbers of them off sick. We have a tight work schedule between now and next February and anything that impacts could cause major problems.

I saw my GP and after checking me over she told me that I had a viral infection. Well as the worst symptoms were the cough and a few aches I was happy to take a few days off work but still planned on going to see the psychiatrist as I felt I should be OK by Wednesday.

Last night things changed and after getting out of bed to grab a quick drink of water I found myself feeling chiilly when I returned to bed. Well within half an hour of this I was lying in bed soaked to the skin. Taking my temperature showed that it was just over 38 Celsius (100.4 Fahrenheit). Even taking paracetomol to try and bring down the temperature didn't help too much as I spent the rest of the night going through periods of sweating.

Even though the appointment isn't until tomorrow and its only about a 30 minute drive away there is no way that I am going to drive there and back in this condition. Looks like I'll have another couple of weeks to wait until I see the doctor again.

On the brighter side I was able to update my GP on some of the other things I've been to see her about recently. I was actually quite impressed as I must have been in there for 10 to 15 minutes and she took the time to talk through everything with me and wasn't rushing me back out the door. I like my GP!

Sunday, 19 September 2010

Last Wednesday I had another appointment at the hair salon. As usual it was an interesting experience.

I've recently started going to a Pilates class. This week was my second one. Apart from the woman who takes the class there are about 8 to 10 women, one guy who seems to be coming every other week and myself. After my knee playing up back in early July and my visit to the physiotherapist I've determined that I really have to get back into exercise and to do something about building up some core body strength.

Last Wednesday, after my class finished at 6pm I took a leisurely drive the 30 odd miles to Mere where the salon is. Lou was alone in the salon as usual doing a bit of tidying when I arrived. As I was 10 minutes early we had plenty of time for a chat.

Lou made us both a coffee and we sat down. The last time I saw her was before I'd spoken to my wife about transitioning and so I had a lot to fill her in on.

Last time I saw her was after my trip to Portsmouth and my drive back so that she could see what I looked like with make-up on. When I left I'd been going to see my friend L. Lou was keen to find out what happened so I told her about going to L's for a 2 hour chat and eventually getting home after midnight. Lou was pleased for me that the day had gone so well.

After that I told her about my chat with my wife, not all the details as I didn't think she needed to know about everything that happened before hand. Lou is a great listener and it was fabulous being able to talk through things that I haven't been able to talk about with others.

I told her about the two hour chat, the fact that she wanted me to hold off from telling our son, her plans to discuss things with her mum once I've seen Dr Brooks, her wanting to try to be more supportive and about my having the opportunity to really be myself the weekend after.

In order to explain some of my feelings that weekend I had told her about Sam coming over for lunch and spending the afternoon. I also told her about my conviction during that afternoon that I definitely wanted to have what was between my legs removed. We talked about a few other relationship things. She agreed with me when I said that my life is definitely complicated.

While we talked I explained that although I had agreed not to tell my son just yet and was willing to wait a bit, I still want to carry on transitioning. If I hold off now then I fully expect the doctors to make it even more difficult for me to do later on. I really don't want to have to go back to square one and start the process again in a couple of years time. To be honest I'm not even sure that I could manage to hold out the four to six years that the wife would want me to. If I did manage to hold out that long then what would my son think about me keeping such a secret from him for that length of time. If I do that then I'm going to be nearly 50 by the time I start transitioning properly. I really don't think that I can wait that long.

I am so glad that I have Lou to talk to from time to time as other than her total enthusiasm for styling my hair and wanting to take me out shopping, she has no vested interest in what I'm doing.

After chatting for nearly half an hour over coffee we got down to the real business of sorting out my hair. A little while back Lou had got me a pair of hair straighteners. Really dinky ones. She told me that I had to bring them with me last time but I ended up leaving them in the car, although I didn't know it at the time. Lou had given me strict orders to remember them this time.

While sorting out my girl things the other week I found a pair of GHD hair straighteners that I'd bought the last time I grew my hair out. These are full size ones, exactly the same as Lou uses in the salon. Well, seeing that I had my own full size straighteners she took the smaller pair back as she can use them in the salon.

Lou got to work straightening my hair and it was lovely to see it looking so long. She trimmed the ends to make sure that they were tidy. Having done all that she looked at me and said that she was so tempted to cut some shape into my hair but wasn't going to. If she started cutting any style into it then I would end up with a bob. Since I still have to go to work as a male for the time being, turning up with my hair in an undeniably female style would start people talking.

Of course I was also tempted to let her get cutting but as there is no way to hide a hairstyle like that then we had to leave it for now. However, she raised the issue of possibly adding some highlights to my hair, something I like the idea of so next time that is what we are going to do.

Once again I had a fantastic time with Lou. One thing did come up though which I missed the opportunity to comment on but fully intend to ask about next time.

When I walked into the salon Lou greeted me as normal. She then went on to say that she loved the rope pictures. I had to think what she was talking about for a moment before realising that she was talking about the bondage pictures that I had taken in Portmouth. Lou didn't say anything about the pictures of me dressed in the clothes that I'd worn to go for the walk to the cemetary and back or even to wore the rest of the day, just the rope pictures.

As she's not seen the pictures that Jo took I'm going to take all the pictures that I've had developed along to my next appointment so that she can see them all properly. When I do I might just ask why she liked those specifically.

Saturday, 18 September 2010

Second Appointment with Psych

Next Wednesday I have my second appointment with the psychiatrist in Taunton.
Having done what she asked and talked with my family it will be interesting. Especially after talking with my wife about my plans and how we are going to handle things because of our son.
I've got the whole day off so will have a couple of hours to go over whatever happens during the appointment.

I' ve just bought some new nail varnish. Its a beige/toffee colour and is almost the same colour as my skin tone. I'm thinking of wearing that to the appointment. In fact I'm actually wearing it now but will probably clean it off this morning in case my son notices it.