Finally

Its been a long time since I first started seeking out help to resolve my Gender Dysphoria.

The first time I actively discussed things with a doctor was back in about 1995, before I was married. My GP turned to me and asked me a question. "If I could give you a pill right now that would make you completely female, would you take it?" I didn't hesitate with my answer. "Yes."

It was another 5 years before I next went to a doctor to discuss my GD. In fact I didn't strictly discuss my GD with a doctor. My son had been taken seriously ill and I sat down with the hospital social worker and told her everything. She talked to the doctor and got me a referral for an initial assessment. It was an unmitigated disaster as the counsellor who assessed me basically sent me away with no support or no suggestion of where I go to get support.

Another couple of years went by and I went to my GP and asked for a referral. This time I saw someone different. He asked me questions and listened to what I had to say and agreed to refer me onwards. Within a few weeks I had an appointment at Charing Cross. Again things didn't go to plan and at the last minute I cancelled my appointment. I didn't know why at the time but 7 months later my son was taken ill again and the entire family pretty much uprooted to Bristol for 6 months, getting home literally just in time for Christmas Eve.

In 2009 I decided that I needed to resolve things again, this time I popped along to a private clinic for an initial assessment. Everything went find, I saw a counsellor, had various tests done and was told how much treatment would cost. I went home to wait 2 weeks for the test results to come back.
When they did come back I was shocked by what the nurse had to tell me. The doctor had written across the top of the results "White cell count a bit low but that's understandable because of the patients prior Leukaemia. Suggest has blood test redone by own GP."
What Leukaemia? I've never had it in my life. My son has had it but not me. My GP redid the tests and they all came out fine. Any confidence I'd had in the clinic went right out the window. If the doctor that would be in charge of my treatment couldn't even listened to me correctly then there was no way I'd put myself in his hands.

A couple of months went by and I changed my GP to one of the female doctors from a male doctor that I'd been allocated to when my GP retired. I decided that the time had come to try the NHS route once again. I received my appointment to have an initial assessment once more but this time I didn't make the appointment because my son was taken ill again, which had us seriously worried again and I cancelled the appointment just in case it was something serious. It wasn't.

In 2010 I went back to my GP, apologised for pulling out of my appointment at the last moment and asked if we could try again. She agreed and referred me for another assessment. This one I managed to make and instead of the hour grilling I was expecting, only had a half an hour chat with a psychiatric nurse. She asked me to come back two weeks later. When I did she told me that I was being referred to a psychiatrist for further assessment.

I had 3 assessments with the psychiatrist and on the third asked for a referral to the Gender Identity Clinic.

Four months after asking for the referral I have an appointment at The Laurels. Tomorrow, 4th July 2011, I will finally walk into a gender clinic and hopefully will be on the way to being a female full time. Its still a long road ahead but tomorrow I will finally do what I set out to do 13 years ago in  Bristol.

twiddling my thumbs

Well I've had the second part of my assessment.

It actually took a lot less time than the first assessment. All of 5 minutes in fact. Dawn, the nurse, apologised for dragging me back for such a short appointment and told me that I was being referred to a GIC in Newton Abbot and also to a consultant psychiatrist in Taunton. I can't fault the decision. I'm making progress at last.

Dawn asked me if I'd mentioned what I was doing to my wife. I'd been waiting for this second assessment so I hadn't. When Dawn asked me when I planned to, I told her that I'd wait until I'd seen the doctor in Taunton. She wasn't surprised by this.

The best thing that came out of the discussion was that she told me that I didn't have any mental health problems.

Unfortunately she didn't put that in writing. I've a colleague at work who has had it confirmed in writing that he is sane. Not sure about the fact that the confirmation was in crayon though. Note to self, make sure any confirmations of sanity are in pen.

Interestingly, or not, my sanity jokingly came up in conversation the same evening and I lightheartedly said that I'd had it confirmed be people who should know that I was sane. I managed to avoid having to explain myself.

Today I had a letter in the post with my appointment with the psychiatrist. 21st April. 3 weeks time. I expect between now and then I'm going to get very nervous and impatient.

I was hoping to be able to book to get my hair done the day of the appointment. I doubt that will be possible as it will take just over an hour to get from the hairdressers to Taunton and I reckon that it will might take the best part of an hour for me to get my hair washed, cut and blow dryed. Maybe just maybe I'll make an appointment to get my hair done earlier in the week and also book for a bodywax, eyebrow pluck and eyelash tint at the salon.