Wednesday, 27 January 2010

Doctors again!

Yesterday I went to see my GP. I wanted to discuss with her if she would refer me to a gender identity clinic, probably Charing Cross, so that I can sort out all the confusion and tension that has been inside me for so long. I've known for years that I would be happier as a woman than a man.

This will be my 4th attempt at doing something to resolve things.

I discovered yesterday that the first time I actually discussed this with a GP was back in 1996. Thinking back on it I do remember discussing it with a doctor at the time. I'd actually been chatting with Marion on the phone a couple of days before about it I believe. That probably inspired me to actually go to the doctor I expect. Of course at that point I didn't actually do anything about it.

The first time that I actively sought referal was back in 2000, I got as far as an assessment at a local hospital but the psychologist that interviewed me told me to go away and deal with some of the other things that were going on in my life at the time.
My son had been diagnosed with Leukaemia and while we were in hospital i got talking with the social worker that was there to help families like us to deal with all the things that needed to be done in order to help smooth us through the transition from normal family to one that has to spend the major part of their lives visiting hospitals for major league treatment. One day I found myself sitting down with the social worker and talking about Jenny and the fact that I'd always struggled being a male and would so much prefer to be a female.
The social worker was very understanding and she agreed to talk to the consultant that was dealing with my son and get him to refer me to a gender clinic.

The second time I tried was in 2005. On that occasion I actually got as far as having an appointment at Charing Cross. I discussed what I was doing with some friends and through discussing it with them decided that it wasn't the right time and cancelled. Fortunately this was the right decision because a few months later  my son suffered relapse with his Leukaemia. It wouldn't have been the best time for either him or me to be dealing with such major issues.

The third time was last year when I went to see my current GP. She is a wonderfully understanding doctor and referred me to Charing Cross only to be told that I needed to have an assessment locally. I had the appointment for the assessment but once again it was not to be as my son got ill and worrying that it might be a relapse I cancelled the appointment. Fortunately it was a false alarm but scary all the same.

So to yesterday. I went to see my GP and apologised for cancelling the appointment and not going through with things last year. She was so understanding, told me that I didn't need to apologise and that she would sought out a referal letter. She told me that she understood how hard it was to do what I was doing and that sometimes it did take a while to manage to actually do something about it.

I can't believe how lucky I am to have such a great doctor. I am so glad that I changed my doctor last year.

Hopefully my appointment will come through quickly so I can finally make some progress and sort out my life.

Last night before I went to bed I was chatting with a friend from work on Facebook. She knows about Jenny and that I was going to the doctors yesterday. In work I had seen her and told her that everything had gone really well. Last night I filled her in on the details.
She amazed me though when she told me that when we had been talking in work I looked like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I hadn't realised that. It takes me back to that first time telling Marion about myself. Considering where my life has led after doing that, who knows where this will take me but it will sure be interesting.


  1. Good luck, jenny. Regardless of how your appointment works out for you or what it mean for your future - you should do your best to keep it this time. There is no harm in taking this first step, regardless of the outcome.

    I am so sorry to read of your son's problem. That is such a difficult matter to deal with. I think you have a the right perspective though - his needs are the most important. You're a good gurl, jenny.

    Miss D

  2. Miss D,

    I'm hoping that the appointment will work out for the best. Unless I make a complete mess of it or the doctor doing the assessment is being really difficult then it should just be a formality.
    This step will be the easiest. Its all the ones that are going to be happening in parallel or following on for it that will be really interested.

    Thank you for your comment about my son. As a family we've lived with that for so long that we're used to it. His needs do come first but if there is one thing that I have come to accept its that there is no point in me staying in limbo, I have to live my life and this means taking the journey that I'm finally setting out on.