Sunday, 28 November 2010

Inching forward

Last Friday my wife went to a friend's house for a girls night as it was her friend's birthday and they were celebrating.
That left my son and I on our own at home.
As soon as she was out of the house we sat down and watched an episode of Warehouse 13 that we had recorded.
Once we'd watched it I got my son to get ready for bed as I wanted a bit of time to myself.
By the time that his hamster had been fed and watered and had a run around in his ball it was 9:30. Off to bed went my son.
Once he was settled in bed I popped up to say good night. I've started to raise the subject of Jenny with him a few times but not the subject of transitioning. The closest I've come is showing him a picture of me in stockings and basque that was taken at a showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
A couple of days after he'd seen the picture we had a conversation which ended with him asking me if I'd worn a blouse. I told him yes but that I couldn't tell him anymore.
A few days later I mentioned it to him and said I would tell him when I wore a blouse but couldn't at the time.

On Friday night, with my wife out and him in bed, I mentioned it to him again. I told him that I'd worn one in the summer. He didn't believe me so I told him I had pictures to prove it. He asked to see them so I told him I'd show them to him on the Saturday when his mum was out for a drink with another friend who has just had a birthday.


Well Saturday morning arrived and my wife phoned our friend to confirm when they were going out. That was when my plans went pear-shaped. My wife came off the phone and said that she wasn't going out as our friend had a soar throat. She's been unwell this week and so it wasn't really surprising. They decided that they would go out another time.
Any idea that I had that I'd show my son the pictures from the summer went right out of the window as I wouldn't have any opportunity.
Later on we went out shopping and I had an idea. On Wednesday night my wife is going to be out at a church group we attend. I wont be going as I'm taking our son to see the new Harry Potter film. The good thing about doing that is I will be able to take the pictures with me and when we are on our way back, or back home if the film finishes early enough, I'll be able to show them to him and explain things. Not everything but at least some things.
If I can get him used to the idea of my female side then life will be a bit easier in someways but also a lot harder in others. I doubt if his mum will be deliriously happy about him knowing but then again I'm not happy about the idea of having to hide this side of me from him. In 4 to 6 years time, if my wife has her way, when I tell him about all this then he's going to wonder why I didn't tell him sooner. How much trust can a young adult have in a parent who has kept such a secret from them. My son trusts me so much. To find out that I have kept something this major from him for his whole life will be very difficult for him to comprehend. Best to start getting used to the idea now.

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