Monday, 13 December 2010

There could be trouble ahead...

Last weekend we paid a visit to my in-laws in the Cotswolds. The trip had been postponed by a week due to the bad weather that had descended on the UK.

My mother-in-law had gone to visit her brother for a week so we only had the pleasure of my sister-in-law and her family.

On Friday evening my brother-in-law slipped over to the village pub. What an experience that was. There was a party of about 10 guys in the back of the pub for a Christmas meal. In the main part of the pub there was my brother-in-law and me.

We had a couple of drinks and sauntered back to the house.

The girls were asleep in the lounge so we sat in the kitchen with a glass of whisky each.

While we were chatting and my brother-in-law was starting to tell me something about my nephew which was a bit disturbing, my wife came in. We tried to get her to go back into the other room so that we could finish the conversation but she wouldn't go.

We started talking about other things and things actually got a bit heated between her and myself as she was descending into self pity as she usually does when she has had a glass of wine to many to drink and its the early hours of the morning.

Eventually nature and one too many drinks called and I had to visit the little girls room. While I was in there I could hear my wife saying to my brother-in-law "you need to ask my sister what she found out about him when we first got together". She was oblivious to the fact that I was only about 10 feet away from her and could overhear what she was saying.

When I returned both of them acted as if nothing had happened.

We carried on talking for a while until again I decided I needed a visit to the little girls room. This time I didn't fully shut the door and again overheard my wife telling brother-in-law to talk to her sister and ask about me.

When I returned my wife decided it was time for bed and left us to it.

As soon as she had gone I told my brother-in-law that I had overheard what he'd been told to do and that it was fine by me if he wanted to go ahead and ask. He responded by telling me that he wasn't going to ask.

Although I didn't tell him any details I told him that it was something quite important and that he'd know what it was next year anyway. I also told him that I didn't want to lose either his or my wife's stepdad's friendship over any of this. I know though that things will change, for starters I'm not going to be going to the pub with them after I've gone full-time. I'll be lucky to be in the village at all.

Anyway, if my wife is telling my brother-in-law to ask his wife about me then it will be only a matter of time before she tells her stepdad to ask her mother about me. I'm hoping that he will react in a similar way. As far as I know the only time that he has seen me breakdown in tears with only him around he's never mentioned it to anyone.

I know that when if I become persona non grata with the family then they will side with their wives but I do hope that they will still be able to be friendly even if they can't be open about it.

My only decision know is do I contact my sister-in-law to let her know what her sister did as I'm sure that she wont appreciate being put in a position like that.

I'm also wondering just when my wife is going to mention to me what she did. She has to know that it could make things difficult if my brother-in-law reacted badly. Its almost like she is trying to force some discussion of things by her family without having to start the discussion herself. She'd already decided that she didn't need to tell her mum about my plans to transition but then goes and tries to stir things up by getting her sister to reveal what she knows about my femme side to her husband.

One thing is for sure, whether or not I decide to contact my sister-in-law, and that is that if I had any qualms about deciding to ask for a referral to the gender clinic when I see the doctor next year those doubts are gone now.


  1. Wow, Jenny. That is some serious passive aggressive behavior exhibited by your wife. What does she say about your transition to your face? She sure seems to be trying to undermine you behind the scenes. My wife is very clear with me about not liking my gender issues, but I do feel I can trust her to have my back, regardless. The scenario you describe worries me.

  2. I think taking control of the situation is best. Sounds like you have a plan to be proactive. Hope she will be honest with you.

  3. I hope she can be too. She seems to have her head buried in the sand about it all.