I am a really sad individual

Its 4am in the morning and as seems to be the current state of affairs I'm overly hot, woke up at about 1am this morning, and have been tossing and turning until I reached the point where I simply had to get up. Before I head back to bed I thought I'd share something that happened yesterday.



It's been just over a week since I was able to start going out for short walks and trips in the car. In that period most of my trips have involved going to the shops. On Monday I went on my longest trip which involved clothes shopping (I bought a couple of pairs of shorts for when the weather gets nice enough for me to sit out in the garden), a trip to the bank (we are having a fence erected at the front of our property this week and I need to pay for it) and a short chat with someone I used to count as a friend before I transitioned. Oh, and I bought my wife and I some ice-cream cones in lieu of lunch.

Yesterday I had a doctors appointment so that I could get a prescription for Kelo-cote, to try and reduce scarring after my operation, and Sylk, to use after the lube I currently use for dilation has run out.

With that done I then proved that I'm a really sad person.

Since I graduated from Polytechnic and started work back in 1989 I have vary rarely taken more than 2 weeks off work. In fact I think I can count the number of times I've taken longer on the fingers of one hand. So being signed off work for 3 months is something that I should be enjoying, despite my days revolving around dilation.

I am enjoying having the time off, it's nice not having to worry about developing tests, completing tasks and working to deadlines. OK that examination at the start of August is slowly looming and I really need to knuckle down and revise for it.

So with all that in mind what did I do today. Yes, you've guessed it. I went into work. Only for an hour and a half to chat to L in HR and to see if there was anyone else around who knows the reason for my being off so that they can see that I really am doing OK.

On arrival the first 20 minutes was spent chatting with B on reception. We've talked about my transition and surgery quite a bit, ever since she asked me if I was transsexual months before I actually transitioned.

After our chat I popped into the HR office and chatted with L for some time. We went over my surgery (I even showed her the picture of me in my TED stockings before the operation), discussed burlesque (my missing out on performing last weekend, future performance opportunities, and my plan to invest in another set of fans). We also got serious and discussed my return to work and the fact that I will have to have a phone meeting with Occupational Health. It seems that my staged return may not actually be necessary and there is a possibility that I could go back to work full time, I'll be nipping that idea in the bud given the chance.

After that I stopped off and had a quick chat with my team leader before popping round to see one of my oldest colleagues and friends. I got about two sentences out to him, "Hello" and "I'll catch you later". In between that I was interrupted by another friend who spotted me, came up to me and gave me a hug before chatting with me.

While we were talking two of my bosses came up to see how I was after they'd emerged from a meeting and been told I was in the office. The three of us chatted and they were amazed that I was actually in the office and looking so well. There were a few questions about when I would be back to work and I confirmed that I had another two months off yet. The good news for me is that when I do go back it will be to the same project that I was working on.

The friend that had given me a hug was interested in how things had went and so as I was starting to make my way out so I could meet up with my wife, who had dropped me off before going off to some things she had to do, we chatted.

As lovely as she is, she certainly speaks plainly and I ended up on the receiving end of some rather interesting comments and puns. For example:

"How's it hanging, oh wait, its not anymore".

I love her to bits but she really does come out with some remarkable things at times.

So after an hour and a half I finally left the building and rejoined my wife in the car to find her looking decidedly unwell. A quick trip to the local supermarket, leaving her in the car while I went and got some shopping on my own, and then a short drive to pick up my son from the playgroup where he is volunteering as part of his college course and it was back home again.

It was nice to see people that I've known and worked with for some many years, just so that they can see that I'm doing OK after the surgery. Its really sad that I felt the need to pop into work and couldn't simply enjoy the time off and stay away from the place. I've done that now and unless I feel really, really bored I wont be going back in again until I'm cleared to go back to work.

On the plus side though, yesterday was the day that I finally set foot in the building as a complete woman, so that step is now out of the way.