Wednesday, 6 October 2010

Letter to a me

I've just come across Josie's website and her Writing Workshop. I thought I'd have a go at one of this weeks assignments as it was something I so wish I could actually do.

Dear Me.

Its not often that a person gets the chance to give advice to their younger self. For quite some time now I've wanted to have the opportunity to go back in time and talk to my younger self and give you the chance to make different decisions in life based on my experiences.

OK, before I get into the major life changing stuff there is one thing I really want you to do.

You are working part time in a supermarket at the moment. One of the women there and you rub each other up the wrong way. You know the one, she's older than you and has children. At Christmas both of you will go to the staff party. There will be a disco and the two of you will end up dancing together. You'll bet each other that you can out dance the other. My young friend, you are going to have a thoroughly enjoyable evening and both of you are going to find that you actually like each other, the reason for you rubbing each other up the wrong way is because you are actually attracted to each other. A couple of months after that you are going to leave that job and at your leaving party you are going to chat with her and things will be going really well until your best mate gets drunk and messes things up. My suggestion to you is that as soon as you dance with her at the Christmas meal you ask her out on a date. Do it quietly so as not to embarrass her but ASK HER OUT. If you don't then you will regret it!

Right, that is that out of the way. Now to the really life changing stuff.

For a few years now you have been struggling with the fact that you want to be a girl. Everyday that you go to school you see your female classmates and you ache to be one of them. You'll remember the article in the newspaper about the boy who dressed as a girl and won the beauty contest, before been discovered and disqualified. You remember how you wanted them to want to spend their life as a girl and how you were prepared to protect them and wanted to be their partner. Well I know that you actually wanted to be that person, you wanted to be the girl so badly.

My young self, you think that you are a crossdresser but you aren't. You are going to spend the next 20 years struggling with this before finally realising that you are transsexual and have to act to become the person that you are inside on the outside.
Trust me when I say that your feelings will not go away but will get worse as the years go by. You are going to reach rock bottom emotionally before you finally start to deal with things.
I don't want to see you going through all of that. You have the chance to live the life you should have been born to, don't waste it.
Yes, if you don't change things now then you will have a good life. You'll get to travel the world a little bit, you'll have a home of your own, a wife and a son. But you will not be true to yourself or to anyone else. You'll spend a long time being who others think you should be and not who you are.
Go to your doctor, tell them that you want to be a woman and ask them to refer you to people who can help you to do that.
I can't offer you any career advice, if you follow my route then you will work on some incredible projects over the years and meet a lot of interesting people. You'll be able to do all those things equally as well as a female, probably more so as you wont be hiding who you are from your friends and colleagues.
At the moment you are also at a low point with your faith in God. That will change. If you transition to being a female it may even mean that your faith grows considerably as you wont be presenting yourself as one thing to other people but will be able to be open and honest with fellow Christians. If you end up living in the same place as I am and going to the same church then that openness is going to make a huge difference.

My young self, please don't follow my path and ended up wasting so much of your life and hiding who you really are from people. Transition now and live your life as the female that you were born to be.

All my love, and lots of hugs. The road wont be easy but it will be worthwhile.

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