Monday, 11 October 2010

Coming out again

Earlier this year I had a conversation with one of the vicars at our church and his wife in order to explain to them that I would be standing down from helping out with the children's groups.
It was at the time that I was looking to get my referral to the gender identity clinic.
Having discussed my plans with some friends they suggested that I should step down from the leadership roles that I was involved in at the time.
This I duely did but without explaining to the vicar and his wife.
Our main vicar and his wife are fully aware of what is going on and also the reasons for me stepping down.
At our church we use a cell group structure where everyone who wanted to is allocated to one of a number of small groups. The idea is that is provides people with the chance to get together with several others, grow to know them better while praying, studying the bible and socialising together. It also provides people with a support network so that when things happen the rest of the group are available to provide help in whatever way they can.
Each of the groups has a mentor who looks after several groups. The mentor is there to help smooth any issues that may arise between group members and the leaders of the group. They are also there to provide support for the leaders.
My cell group has had our main vicar's wife as mentor. Being fully aware of what is going on in my life this has made it easy for my friends who lead the group to talk to her about things.
Today I got a phone call from S, the female leader, to tell me that our groups mentor was changing and that it was going to be our other vicar that is taking over. He does not know anything about what is going on. S told me that her and her husband had been asked to go and talk to the vicar. She wanted my permission to explain what is going on.
I told S that I didn't want her to say anything as I wanted to do it myself. I'd decided months ago that I owed this chap and his wife and explanation. I'd planned on telling them after I saw the psychiatrist next as by then I would know exactly what is happening. Even though that is two weeks away now it looks like I'm going to have to explain things to them before then.
I've emailed to try and find out when they are both around and to make an appointment. Hopefully that will be this week some time.
So it looks like I'm going to be having another of these coming out conversations. I might just be getting good at doing these. At least I wont have to stand up in front of our church and explain things. That's what the vicar is there for.


  1. That sounds to me to a better idea as that will be seen as you taking responsibility for your changes and how that impacts on the group. Doesn't mean S couldn't talk to the person themselves separately as additional reassurance that things are working in a way that is suiting everyone.

    Regards sissygurl belinda.

  2. sissygurl belinda,

    S is going to be talking to our groups mentor sometime soon after I've spoken with him. There was always the other option that I said that I didn't want the change of mentor but that wouldn't have been fair on everyone else. I'm such an easy going person.