Half an Outlaw

Last weekend we traveled to Nottingham so that I could take part in the inaugral Outlaw Half triathlon. Its going to be my last triathlon for a while. The next one that I do will probably be next year and its most likely that it will be the Outlaw Half again.

Apologies for the long post, it was a long day if not weekend. I've included a couple of pictures of me and also a link to the video of me finishing the race.  Its not very often that you'll see pics of me without make-up while doing insane exercise. I also try to avoid including pictures of my family, especially my son so this is one of those rare occasions. Skip to the bottom if you want to see me after a day out in the sun.

Last weekend was fun, if hard.

Our arrival at Holme Pierrepont, which was hosting the race, provided an interesting highlight to the weekend.
As I'm pre-op at the moment and, at least to me, still look masculine without my make-up I'd decided that I was going to race under my birth gender. Still to avoid any confusion I'd shorted my first name to Jen when I'd entered.
On arrival we made our way straight to the registration tent. I found my race number and we joined the queue.
Now I should point out that I'd traveled as Jen and not as my old self, because I have no idea in his name anymore, even my British triathlon membership shows me as female.
After queuing for a few minutes it was my turn to register. I gave the woman that was taking names and crossing them off a list my name. She looked at me, looked at the list and the details and said "I'm not sure why you've been put in this group". I was down to start in the second men's wave.
She was looking at me and simply seeing a woman. Result!!!
Of course I had to break the moment in case she decided to swap me to another wave so I simply replied "I'm transsexual". She simply crossed my name off the list and gave my name and number to the next person in the registration process.

The hotel we were staying at we've used before, its about 20 minutes drive away so we headed there and tried to check in. This is where we hit our first snag. The manager that was dealing with us took my name, looked it up, asked for the confirmation email and then asked if we had had someone else check in earlier. Well there was only the 3 of us so no.
It seemed that there had been a mix up and someone with the same surname and initial as me had checked in and been given our room. As we'd needed a twin double room they now had a problem because they didn't have any other rooms like that available. The manager tried to find us a two rooms with a interconnecting door but he couldn't manage that so we ended up accepting an upgrade to an executive room with a folding bed for our son to sleep on. It was only for one night after all.

Rather than eat at the hotel, which we know is expensive and doesn't have a wide variety of things my family will eat we popped to a Harvester restaurant about 100 yards away and had a relaxing meal there.

The rest of the evening passed quietly and we were in bed early due to needing to be up at 4:30am.

Sunday dawned a little bit overcast and after a quick bite to eat and drink we checked out and made our way back to Holme Pierrepont. Even at that early hour there were lots of people around, whether competitors or spectators. I set up my gear in transition and got into my wetsuit.

All too soon the first wave of swimmers had gotten underway. As soon as possible I got into the water and proceeded to do a quick warm up and get my face used to the water. I was pleasantly surprised as the water was quite warm and so I was ready for the swim to get underway.

At 6:38 my wave started, I hung back a bit to allow other people to get off and then started my own swim. With plenty of space and lot clear water around me I had a good swim, not fast but uneventful. 56 minutes later I was climbing back out of the lake and making my way to my bike.

A quick change, suntan lotion smothered all over my face and shoulders and away I went. L, who does my laser, and all those people that have told me that I should wear suncream when I turn up with a bright red face would have been proud of me. I just wished that I'd remembered to do my legs as well. The white feet and ankles and white top of thighs with a large red area between them is so not a good look. Bare legs for the entire week!!!

The 56 mile bike leg was mostly flat. There was a combination of completely closed, open and managed roads along the route which made it a very safe and enjoyable ride. There is only one real hill on the course and I've cycled up worse around where I live so it didn't worry me. The downhill sections were fun as I managed to pick up speed, I even managed to get down into the drops on my racing bike for some decent stretches, which is something I don't normally do at home.

There was only one real incident on the bike and that happened at the second feed station. At the first feed station I'd stopped to use the facilities and as a result had grabbed a bottle of energy drink while I was off the bike. At the second station I decided that I'd try something I'd not practiced before and grab a bottle while still moving. Well they say never do something in a race that you've not tried in training. I learned that the hard way.
I took the bottle from the lady holding it out, lost control of the bike and then my balance and realised that I was going to end up in a heap. The bike was heading towards the grass verge opposite and there was nothing I could do to stop it with one hand full with a bottle. Down I went in a heap on the grass in full view of everyone.
One of the guys came over to make sure I was OK and help me up. The woman that had handed me the bottle was apologizing so I told her it was my fault for trying to take the bottle without stopping. After reattaching the chain on my bike to the front set of cogs I was able to get started again. The rest of the ride was a bit painful as my left hand and wrist were sore. A week on and my wrist is still sore so I think I managed to sprain it.

Back at Holme Pierrepont I was just under two minutes over 4 hours for the bike, which for me is amazing as it has to be the fastest that I've ever cycled that distance in my life.

The run section was an out and back course along the river Trent and around the lake we'd swum in that morning. On my first lap there was a lot of people heading in the both the same and opposite directions to me. On the second lap there was a lot less people but I knew I wasn't the last person because I could see people heading out as I was heading back.

On the day I'd race under the Pirate banner. On the run course there were 5 Pirates that had set up camp at a spot where they could see people going past. Their support was amazing and a real boost when it was needed. I saw a few other Pirates during the run and said hello to each. One of the other Pirates was at one of the feed stations on the lakeside and I spoke to her briefly.

After 7 hours and 49 minutes of swimming, cycling and running (and yes walking) I finally approached the finish chute. My son was waiting just before it and I was able to grab his hand and the two of us made our way down to the finish and through the finishing tape that was being held up for those of us that weren't coming through in a mass group.

In all the races that I've down that was the first time that my son has crossed the line with me and it was one of the proudest moments in my life.

It was a hard day but one that I'm glad I experienced because even though my training this year hasn't gone to plan I still managed to get a good time, in fact it was almost an hour quicker than my previous attempt at the distance. Who knows, with some focused training I might be able to do even better still. In fact I know I will.

Having fun

Yesterday I finally made the decision that I was going to pull out of the race that I'd been aiming for since the end of last year.
I'd been so focused on things on achieving goals and completing races that I'd forgotten one of the most basic reasons that I run, swim or even cycle (although I'm still working on that one). Yes I do them to keep fit but I also do them because I enjoy them and want to have fun.

The last 6 months I've been beating myself up because I should have been training 6 days a week and although throughout December I managed that in January the weather made getting out and cycling more difficult and I missed some sessions.

In February when I started working at our Malvern office I wasn't able to do the training I needed because of not realising how near the swimming pool was to the hotel and not taking my bike with me (although cycling the roads around Malvern in the dark wasn't something I would have contemplated at the time anyway) left me with just running as an option. With 3 days left when I was back home in Yeovil there was a lot of pressure on me to get complete training sessions.

The closer I've got to the race the more stressed out about it I've become. I know that my fitness levels are at the point where I can complete a race up to half Ironman distance , which I'll be doing next weekend. However, between knowing that I've only done a fraction of the training I needed, breaking my toe and still not being confident enough in my cycling ability, my motivation has taken an enormous dive.

Its not just the race though. There are other things that I've not been doing recently, I've not been going to church on Sunday evenings, partly because my son has stopped going to his group but also because the service that I was going to is one that although I enjoy it, is too formal for me.

Burlesque has also taken a bit of a backseat. I have several routines I want to develop and I just don't have the time to do that either.

All in all although life is OK, transition is going fine, work is not overly taxing at the moment but I'm enjoying being back at our Yeovil office, there is something that I'm missing and that's having fun. I want to have fun back in my life.

So after next week I'm going to put my sporting ambitions on hold. If I want to swim, run or cycle (which I still plan on doing a couple of times a week) then I'll go out on the spur of the moment with no set plan for what I'm going to do. If I'm awake at 5 in the morning and the sun is shining then I'll get my bike out and go for a ride. I'm going to work on developing that balloon strip routine to the Beep Beep song by the Playmates and the Diamond Heist routine to Stand and Deliver and I'm going to start going to the Sunday morning church service once more.

Having fun and getting back in touch with the reason I do things is the priority right now, something that I'd lost sight of.

So here's The Playmates with Beep Beep.

And Adam Ant with Stand and Deliver

Feeling vulnerable

Last Sunday I took part in the Outlaw Half triathlon in Nottingham. The weather was better than it has been for ages, blue skies, hot weather. A perfect summer day.
Of course when you are spending 4 hours cycling in bike shorts and you haven't applied suncream to your legs, are fair skinned then there's a very good chance that you are going to end up with sunburn. My legs were a lovely shade of red from where my shorts ended to where my cycling socks started.

Normally when I go to work I wear tights, regardless of whether I'm wearing a skirt, dress or trousers. With sore legs that's just not possible. So this week for the first time I've gone into work without tights. In fact to try and make things easier on my legs I've even worn skirts with bare legs.

Over the last few days I've been aware of the bare legs under my skirts. Today as I was driving to work something that had been slowly sneaking up on me over the last 3 days finally dawned on me.

With no tights on, the only thing that was between what I have between my legs and the outside world is the material of my underwear. This morning I was painfully aware of just how little that actually is.

We've all heard how guys wanted to get into girls knickers, well this morning I realised just how little protection they provide us. It made me realise just how vulnerable we are if someone wanted to take advantage of us. I realised just how vulnerable women can feel, especially during summer time when the weather and fashion can mean that we wear items of clothing that really don't offer us much protection if someone wanted to take advantage of us.

Shorts and trousers, even a pair of tights afford us with more protection simply because they deny easy access to parts of our bodies.

When I lived as a male I never experienced that sort of sensation or sense of being vulnerable because the clothes I wore provided me with a degree of protection, as did the fact that I was seen as a male.

Living as a female I'm beginning to understand just how vulnerable we can be.

Perhaps I should invest in some protection like these chaps are wearing

Or alternatively go for something a bit more futuristic

Out at Work

Yesterday I attended an Out At Work event run by a LGBT society from a local university. It was really interesting and the first time I've ever talked to a group of people about my experience transitioning in work. I'm not including friends, colleagues or you dear readers.

I'd originally prepared a list of points for what I was going to say as the talk needed to be about 10 minutes long. Strangely trying to fit my experience into 10 minutes was really difficult and no matter how I tried to get everything into the time while practicing I knew I'd overrun. While I was driving from home to the venue I realised that talking about the mechanics of transitioning at work wasn't going to be what they wanted to hear. They were going to want to hear about things that had happened to me and how both I and others had dealt with it. In the end I simply threw away my prepared notes, other than the first part which was the introduction and spoke as my heart and mind took me.

I managed to raise a few laughs with some of my anecdotes which I was glad of.

The last time I had to speak to a large group of people was at my wedding and I had spent a lot of time preparing that speech. Other than that the only other times have been while running team meetings. This was a real achievement for me.

My talk went down well as did those of the other people that were talking. The question and answer session was thought provoking. Being among LGB folk was interesting for me as although I'm married I know that my sexuality is not heterosexual as it once was in the man/woman sense of my marriage or even lesbian which is quite possibly how some people would see my partner and I if they didn't know our situation. I'm more aware of my sexuality now than I ever was and I know that it leans in the bisexual direction.

I hope that what I had to say helped everyone that was there. I know that being there and listening to everyone certainly helped me. Who knows one of these days I may just end up coming out at work again. Not about my gender this time but about my sexuality. I doubt that it will top coming out as transsexual though if I do.

Zombie Apocalypse

I'm a very fair skinned person which means that sadly I burn easily in the sun. I don't tan easily instead I end up looking like a cooked lobster which eventually fades to something that looks like I've not washed for a week.
In fact my normal colour is not quite undead pale but not far off. In fact if there was a zombie apocalypse then with the addition of some fake bruises and blood then I could probably pass quite happily amongst the legions of the Undead.

Over the years I've learned painfully that I really, really, really must wear suntan lotion when out in the sun. Now that I'm having laser and electrolysis to remove hair I've finally learned that lesson and I don't go out without suncream on my face, underneath my make-up at the very least. Yesterday was no exception as it was probably the hottest and sunniest day that we've had in the UK this year.
As we'd been at my parents all weekend and were traveling back home via my other half's Aunt and Uncle's place and I was going to be dropping them off there and going off to do my own thing for an hour or two I dressed for the weather. A pair of jeans, as I don't have any shorts yet and I'm still working up to wearing them as I've always hidden my legs away due to my dysphoria and them being too hairy before I started having them waxed, shaved or epilated.
On top I wore a camisole top and a see-through, long-sleeved blouse. Big mistake I learned.
It normally takes about 2 hours to drive between my parents and home. Yesterday was no exception but of course I added an hour of sitting in a park near to my other half's family's house. It was lovely enjoying the sunshine.
We got home at a reasonable time and as the house was warm, we'd left our central heating system on and all the windows were shut so between the heating system and the weather it was quite warm. Even with the windows open it was still warm so my jeans were exchanged for a skirt and off came the blouse.

At that point I discovered the drawback to see-through blouses. It would seem that if you allow the sun to beat down on you for almost 3 hours straight and you've not applied suntan lotion then you still burn. Only on one side though because of where the sun ends up being when you drive a car in the UK heading in a southerly direction. Yup, my right arm has a lovely red patch all the way down the outside of it from where it was in the full glare of the sun. The rest of me is fine.

At least that's one new thing I've learned about being a woman this weekend.

Oh and in case there is a zombie apocalypse here's some advice from Team Unicorn on handling it.

Busy busy busy

Thursday was one busy day.
For the last couple of weeks I've been trying to get to the point where I can do an Olympic distance triathlon. That's a 1500 metre swim, 40 kilometre bike ride and a 10 kilometre run. Thursday morning I managed to drag myself out of bed and down to the local pool to do the swim by 7am and to start what turned out to be 5 hours of exercise, with the odd short break in between.

Tiring but glad that I managed to complete it. Especially as I managed to drop the transformer style plug from my make-up mirror from the top of my wardrobe all of 5 feet straight onto the little toe of my left foot. When I finally got home from my run it was to find that my little toe was now sporting a superb bruise.

The afternoon started off being fairly easy but didn't last as I found myself having to write up what I was going to stay in a talk that I'm giving next week. Its only 10 minutes but I had to get it down on paper because it might reflect on the company I work for and a few people needed to see it beforehand.

The rest of the afternoon went quite pleasantly before I had to leave the house and make my way to a salon where I was going to undergo electrolysis on my chest.

Now I've been told about electrolysis and that it can be very painful so I took some painkillers beforehand. In the end I don't think that I really needed the painkillers as apart from a very mild bit of pain from the zap of the needle, far milder than the sting from the laser zaps, and the tug when pulling the hair out, it didn't really hurt that much.

I have another appointment in a little while which will hopefully cover the area that has been missed.

Returning home I had enough time to sort myself out and then head to my son's school to catch the last couple of meetings with some of his teachers and the parent/teacher evening.

After cooking dinner and managing to get most of the way through it the phone rung and I spent the next 50 minutes chatting with someone. Fortunately I wasn't too hungry and I'd had ample dinner.

The weekend should be a lot quieter, next week will once again be busy as I have triathlon training planned for the mornings and repainting the kitchen planned for the evenings.

30 Days of Trans - Last day

Day 30 - Write a haiku about being trans

Wednesday 1^st May

Day follows night

Twenty four seven

A woman now

Normal blogging service will resume as of tomorrow :-)