Almost two years ago I started an Open Foundation in Photography (FiP) course with the Open College of the Arts. I've been interested in photography for a while and after doing two evening classes at my local college decided I wanted to delve into the topic in more detail.
The learning log from my course is online and can be found at https://miradglass.wordpress.com/
My first assignment for the course coincided with Rhys going into the St Margaret's Hospice and as a result I took a lot of photographs during those final days.
The course open my eyes to photography as a subject, as an art form and I found myself developing new skills and an appreciation for the world around me. Last year, when everything started to fall apart I decided to take a break from the course. I carried on taking photographs, including some that I've ended up using in my fourth assignment when I submit it.
Throughout the course my aim has to been to prove that I have the ability to go on and do the degree course. I want to, it will be hard work I know, it will be expensive, but it's something I want to do simply because I want to. Not because I have to, not because it fits with my job and career. I'm a software engineer and photography doesn't really come into it much.
The last few days have made me re-evaluate that though.
It's not the cost, although £1400 is a stretch, I could manage it.
It's not the amount of work invovled. It's 8 hours a week over 12 months per course. Less than 2 hours a day.
It's more that I'm going through a period where I find myself thinking "what's the point?" more and more. I'm losing motivation. The anti-depressants are keeping my mood from swinging from one extreme to the other and I know that I'm not ready to come off them, not by a long chalk. If I did come off them then I would spiral out of control and this time I'm not sure that I'd have the energy or strength to pull myself back from the brink.
I'm not even sure that my photographs are that good and that the work I'd produce would be sufficiently good enough to get me a degree.
So I'm going to put the idea of completing a photography degree to one side for a while and pick it up again at some point in the future. When I don't know. In the meantime I'll carry on taking photographs like I have been. I'l look at different photographers, go to exhibitions, and try to get better with the skills I have picked up.
But first I've got my current assignmetn to submit and then the last part of the course to complete, including the assignment for that.