What the future holds

On Saturday I did something I've not done for quite some time. I went for a tarot reading.

Over the last couple of months I've been tempted to get a reading done. I was told that someone I know does them but I could never get up the nerve to discuss it with them, so I was looking to see if there was someone in the area that did them. As luck would have it The Emporium in the town centre has someone that uses one of their rooms to do readings and other therapies.

About two months ago I was contemplating contacting them but in the end changed my mind. Last weekend I decided I'd make an appointment with the result that yesterday afternoon I turned up and met C who was a really lovely lady.

In addition to tarot reading C does a number of other complimentary therapies and also teaches belly dancing (more about that later).

As mentioned above I have had tarot readings before, in fact at one point I did a tarot reading course myself.

Now as a Christian tarot reading and similar things are frowned upon so I was always going to be having to listen to what was being said and filtering it through my faith afterwards. I've also had dealings with spiritualists in the past where they were completely wide of the mark. One commented on a picture that I'd provided to say that my son was a wonderful child. At that point I'd not had my son and the child in question was my nephew, if someone can't get that fact right then I'm not going to give any credence to what they have to say.

Anyway, back to yesterday and C greeted me near the cafe in the Emporium. We went up to her room and sat down at a table next to the window. She explained what was going to happen and gave me the pack of tarot cards to shuffle. While I was doing that I said to her "as you've probably realised I'm transsexual." I'd seen on her website that she has worked with transsexuals so I was happy that it wouldn't be a problem but I didn't want any confusion with the reading. C responded by telling me that she'd not realised. Doh! I'd outed myself without needing to. Still it was helpful as being transgender came up as we talked during the reading.

Over the next hour I had C did two spreads. The first being a general one and the second being a bit more specific and of the "where do I go from here " variety.

Without going into detail the first reading highlighted that I've got things I need to resolve and that there is an emotional element to it. None of it is going to happen quick but things will occur in their own time. When they do it will be because I'm ready for them to happen.

Now there are a few things that have been on my mind which fall into those categories. How am I going to progress my burlesque? What do I do with regards to my position and work? Do I do more to support people like myself? Writing the two articles for our work's intranet, seeing how people I know are struggling and also how we get discriminated against as well as physically, verbally and emotionally abused has made me wonder if there are things that I can do to improve things for us.

Reading through some of the material that my son is being taught at school, the other day, about discrimination which mentioned racism, homophobia, religious discrimination and sexism left me with slightly disappointed. Under the sexism heading they were basically being taught what to me was almost outdated. Yes, there is discrimination based on whether you are male or female still exists but what was written in no way hinted at what transgender individuals go through. I suppose that's because the people that write this material have no understanding of what we go through. I was sorely tempted to contact the school and point out that their outlook is a bit narrow in that area. Maybe I will, I haven't decided yet.

Having completed the first reading C did the second one that asked where I go from this point. Again this highlighted the fact that things will happen but when the time is right and I'm prepared for them. When they do then things will take off at speed and it looks like I'm in for quite a ride! If what the cards were suggesting happens then whatever are they were addressing will mean that I leave a mark on things.

Thinking about the second reading I don't think that it relates to work and what I've been thinking about there. It could do because I've been thinking about moving into another role which would mean visiting other company sites, meeting new people and potentially visiting customer sites. Its not something that would happen quickly as its a brand new area for me and I'd have to learn lots of new skills. Still I'm not convinced that its what I want to do. I have ideas for what I want to do but this role wouldn't necessary be it.

It could related to my burlesque because I've been thinking about learning to teach as well as figuring out how to perform more than I have been. I know that I want to do more with it but I've been struggling with a number of things related to it. Am I good enough, would people want to see me perform, even my own pre-op situation and how it affects my performances.

Whatever the reading related to I'm sure it will reveal itself in due course and that whatever it is will happen at the right time and I'll be prepared for it.

Now as for the belly dancing that I mentioned earlier when we were chatting afterwards C mentioned that she did the classes at a venue near where she lives. It turns out that she literally lives around the corner from me and the classes are held in the skittle alley of the pub. The classes are held on a Thursday evening and are quite cheap, cheaper than what I was paying to go up to burlesque classes in Bristol, especially once you include the cost of petrol.

One of the things that has come from the burlesque classes I've been to, working with the girls and especially working with Poppy is that we don't restrict ourselves to what people might think of as traditional burlesque. We're more than happy to borrow from other art forms to help us make our performances entertaining and also different. So with that in mind, in November when I've finished with what I'm doing on a Thursday night then I'll be contacting C and arranging to go to her belly dancing classes so that I can add another skill to my performance repetoir.