30 Days of Trans - Day 29

Day 29 - Write out something positive about yourself using the letters of your name. Ex. Your name is Bob so B-Beautiful O-Outstanding B-Boy

Tuesday 30^th April

I started doing this basing it on my old name and as I got to the end of it realised that it didn't say that it had to be that so now I've done it for both old and new.

Depending on which variation of my old name, or even which of my two old names that I used then there are longer or shorter things that I could come up with. So I've decided to use both variations of my one name and my middle name and do the lot. For those that like puzzles I've put the letters in alphabetical order rather than spell out my old name.

A – Athletic

B - Brave

H - Happy

I - Intelligent

I - Incredible

I - Incredible

J - Joyful

L - Loving

L -Lady-like

L - Loyal

L – Level-headed

M – Maternal

N - Nice

O - Outstanding

W - Woman

Doing the same for my name now I came up with.

J - Joyful

E - Easygoing

N – Natural

N - Nurturing

A – Accommodating

Lots of positiveness there.

30 Days of Trans - Day 28

Day 28 - What is something you have to do everyday or else you feel like your whole day is off if you don't do it

Monday 29^th April

I'm not sure that I have anything that I have to do everyday or my day is off. There is one thing that I like to do, I don't have to do it but I usually manage it and that is to get up before everybody else, usually a good hour before them so that I can have a coffee, check my emails and browse the web, watch a bit of television if there's anything on that interests me and simply ease myself into the day.

Ever since I graduated and started work I've been getting up at about 6am. My Dad used to do the same when he was working, in fact both Dad and Mum are still up between 6 and 7 in the morning and they have been retired for years now.

When my son was born he used to wake up for a feed at about 7am. I used to get up at 6, have that first coffee, sort myself out and then get ready for when he woke up so that I could give him his feed.

Sometimes I find it frustrating when I get up and someone else then gets up during that first hour, especially if they start talking to me and want to have a conversation. That can get my day off to a bad start but generally it doesn't.

Still its nice to have an hour to yourself at the start of the day before everyone and everything demands your attention.

Not changed as much as I thought

Ok, this is me after I'd been out getting some bits and pieces from one of our local DIY stores. I'm posting it just so you can see how I was dressed and looked.



As we reached the checkouts I noticed a guy going through in the other queue and realised it was the ex-husband of someone my wife used to work with. I pointed him out to her as he'd not noticed either of us.

We finished paying at the same time and as he was passing us she called out to him. He turned and recognised her. The two of them started chatting as I stood there wondering if he'd recognise me. The last time we'd bumped into someone we knew that wouldn't have known about what was going on with me he'd thought I was my sister and not me, so I wondered if the guy yesterday would realise.

Well he did. In fact he turned to me and said "How are you B***?" using my old male name. "You've grown you hair and look a bit different". Different!!!!! I look like I do in the photo!!!

I guess this guy is certainly no Sherlock Holmes. I'm wearing my breastforms and have on full make-up. Doh!

As we walked towards the exit I turned to him and said "Oh, by the way, its Jenna now". His startled reaction was great to see.

After we'd left him and were walking towards our car my  wife and I couldn't help but giggle at his reaction but it did leave me wondering just how much I had changed and just how much people still see the old me when they look at me.

30 Days of Trans - Days 26 and 27 - Answering questions and goals

Day 26 - Do you feel comfortable answering questions about being trans if say your teacher/friend/stranger asked you

Saturday 27^th April

I'm totally at ease with answering questions about being trans. I said this in the letter that was read to my colleagues when they found out. When I've met up with friends and they've asked me questions I've answered them as honestly as I can. It does depend on the particular question and who is asking it though. I'd feel uncomfortable discussing anything related to my sexuality unless it was with a close friend. Other than that there's not really anything I'd feel awkward discussing.

In fact in a couple of weeks I've agreed to do a 10 minute talk as part of a “Out at Work” event being organised by the LGBT society at one of the local universities. I know that quite a few people have a horrendous time when it comes to being trans at work. I haven't had that experience so I thought it would be good to have that put across.

As soon as I've done it I'll post about it.

Day 27 - What goals do you have

Sunday 28^th April

My goals for this year are mainly sport, domestic and burlesque based. There are a couple that are trans related. The colour scheme is black for things I've not started, pink for those that are in progress and green for the ones that I've completed. Hopefully by the end of the year they'll all be green or pink.

Sport

Complete Outlaw Triathlon

Complete Outlaw Half

Complete DIY Olympic Triathlon

Burlesque

Perform True Love routine

Develop Moon River routine

Develop Messin' with Fire routine

Perform Messin' with Fire routine

Develop Knock 1 2 3 routine

Get corset from Mags

Make-up lesson with Inma

Train to teach burlesque

Develop Diamond Heist routine

Perform Diamond Heist routine

Work

Pass ISTQB Advanced Test Analyst exam

Develop C# programming ability

Home

Finish decorating small bedroom

Tidy garden

Empty attic of things we don't need

Transition

Get referred back to Laurels in December

Complete speech therapy

Start laser hair removal

Electrolysis on breasts and chest area

My longer term goals are mainly burlesque related which are mainly to have performed the routines that I've been working on because I doubt that I'll perform all of the routines this year. Beyond that I'm looking at sport related ones which are:

2014 – Complete John O' Groats to Land's End bike ride.

2015 – Complete a 10km open water swim, thinking about doing the Dark 10K.

2017 – Complete the Marathon De Sables.

As you can see I'm hell bent on doing ridiculously stupid length endurance events. My body isn't designed for short, sprint type events but plodding on over longer distances is something that it manages to do without too much physical difficulties.

The only real trans linked goal I have other than the ones that I've listed is to have my GRS at the end of 2014, or at least to be in the process of obtaining it.

30 Days of Trans - Days 24 and 25 (music thanks to Benny Hill)

Day 24 - Who is your favorite LGBT actor/musician/director/artist etc and why

Thursday 25^th April

I'm not sure that I have a favourite LGBT actor, musician or artist. In fact I've had to spend some time on Google looking up people that are LGBT.

As a result I've narrowed it down to a number of people.

John Barrowman – has to be in the list because of his appearances on shows such as Doctor Who and Torchwood of which I'm a big fan. I've seen him on other shows as well and he's a very talented entertainer.

Adele Anderson – I came across Fascinating Aida years ago and loved their work because although its musical it has a comedy aspect to it. I've always enjoyed music that has that aspect to it, probably ever since I first heard Ernie the Fastest Milkman in the West by Benny Hill.

Clive Barker – I read some of his books when I was younger. One of my favourite films is Nightbreed based on one of his books. Stories about characters that normally would be the villains and making them the heroes always appeals to me. I suppose its the idea that appearances can be deceptive and that we should always take the time to get to know someone rather than going on first appearances.

Fay Presto – I remember seeing her on TV in the past and as I enjoy magic and have dabbled briefly with it then she would have to be in any list I make.

Finally I have to include Caroline Cossey. I remember seeing her in For Your Eyes Only and then finding out that she was transsexual afterwards. Anyone that can undergo gender reassignment and then go and do something that they love even though it is so visible to other people while running the risk that they will be discovered for who they once was is very brave in my book.

A bit of a musical interlude from Mr Hill, apologies for the lack of an image but Blogger couldn't find the actual video on YouTube that I liked for some reason and the embed code didn't have an thumnail associated with it. Ooh, look at me getting almost technical.

Day 25 - Doctor visits

Friday 26^th April

Since transitioning I spend more time with medical professionals than before, whether they are doctors, nurses or others.

At the gender identity clinic I see a counsellor every 6 weeks, my next one is due next week, and my doctor every 3 months. The counselling sessions last for about an hour, the appointment with the doctor lasts up to 30 minutes.

I also go to my GP every couple of months to have blood tests done by one of the nurses in order to check my hormone levels. Other than that I still only go to see my GP when I find that I'm feeling unwell and its not something that a couple of paracetamol or some cold and flu remedy will deal with. I did notice that last year I was far less ill with colds than I have been in previous years, I put it down to having less stress post-transition.

Other than that I see a speech therapist and I'm also having laser hair removal so I have to go and pay them visits every so often.

Work have been fine about me having time off. I try to arrange it in order to minimise things and usually work up the hours I'm having off for appointments or I take the time off as leave.

My other experiences with doctors and hospitals have varied.
When I took my son into hospital for one of his follow-up appointments it all went smoothly as most people were already aware of my status.
When my Mum was in hospital recently again everything went without a hitch.

When I had to take my Dad into A&E most of the people I came into contact with it was fine, even at stupid o'clock in the morning. There was only one doctor that I had an issue with and that was when he referred to me as “your son” when talking to my Dad.

I know that people's experience of the medical profession varies, especially when it comes to gender reassignment. So far mine has been quite positive and hopefully will do for some time to come.

30 Days of Trans - Day 23

Day 23 - What stereotypes are put on trans people

Wednesday 24^th April

I think that people see us in ways that fit with their prejudices.

They see us as gay men or women that can't accept that we fancy people of the same gender as us and so transform ourselves into the opposite gender to satisfy our own sexual needs.

They see us as men or women that have a thing about the clothing of the opposite sex and who go to extreme lengths to satisfy that desire.

They see us as drag queens.

After my partner's sister had seen me for the first time after I'd transitioned I found out that her response was “it wasn't as bad I'd expected.” What she'd been expecting was some over made up, badly or tartily dressed person. What she got was someone wearing no more make-up than some women I know and wearing jeans, tee-shirt and sweater, which was similar to what she herself was wearing. That was her impression of what I would look like and was influenced by people she'd seen on TV or in the street. The reality was completely different.

Most people think that they know how we will appear, how we will behave. Most people walk by us in the street without even realising it.

30 Days of Trans - Day 22

Day 22 - Do you feel being trans holds you back from your career choice

Tuesday 23^rd April

I work as a software engineer. More specifically as a test engineer. Pre-transition being trans never held me back as the industry is still a male dominated one and I was seen by everyone that knew me as a male.

When I decided to transition and that I would do it while continuing to work at my current company I didn't see that it would be an issue. I was working on a project that I liked, doing work I enjoyed and was privileged to work with one of, if not the, best teams I've been part of since I graduated. Throughout my career I have been lucky to work with some amazing people.

As soon as I made the decision to transition though and had agreed a timetable with the HR team at the office I'm based then some interesting career opportunities presented themselves.

I became aware of two jobs that would have been high profile as they would have required dealing with a lot of customers. I considered applying for at least one of the jobs as we were going through a redundancy process at the time. As I thought about it I decided that applying for a new position and then transitioning wasn't going to be a good thing. Fifteen months on from that and I've finished on the project I was on and have spent several months working in another of our offices and have had to come out as trans to someone that I used to work closely with. Today I even spoke to someone that I've known for years but I don't think that they realised who it was they were talking to and didn't actually ask (I'd answered someone else's phone while they were away from their desk).

As far as the company I work for I don't see being trans holding back my career.

While the redundancy process was going on I had two interviews. I can't say for definite but there is a possibility that the first interview that I went for being trans had some effect. The position I thought I was being interviewed for I could do the job in my sleep. After answering a number of questions related to the job I was being interviewed for they started asking questions about a role that hadn't been mentioned to me. I wasn't prepared for that and so probably didn't give my best impression. In the end I got turned down for the job which surprised both me and a colleague that had been offered a job by the same company.

The second interview went better, I actually knew one of the interviewers as I'd worked with her previously. At the end of the interview I was told that the managing director liked to interview potential job candidates before they were offered a position. He wasn't around that day so I was asked to go back for a second interview.

The return visit was a lot more relaxed and I was able to give a much better impression as I was more prepared. Still at the end of the interview I was left feeling as if I had provided free consultancy to them. Again I was turned down for the position but this time the reasons given were that they didn't think I was suitable for that role but if a more appropriate one came up then they would consider me.

Several months later I was contacted by the recruitment agency as a job had come up at the same firm and they wanted to know if I was interested, in fact they said my name had been specifically mentioned. Unfortunately I wasn't in the position to take up the role and so turned down the interview. In the case of this company I definitely don't thing being trans held me back. Demonstrating that I was capable and knew my subject was a better indication of my potential as far as the company was concerned.

At the moment I don't see myself moving companies. There are a lot of opportunities if I want to find them. Developing my career is something that I can do. The company also has a diversity and inclusion programme which makes it a good place to work, especially as policies with regard to trans staff develop.

If anything I think my career is actually better than it used to be, partly because I'm picking up new skills and partly because since transitioning I can be myself and don't have to divert some of my energy to being what other people expected me to be and developing my career in accordance with that. Now I can develop my career in the way that I want to develop it.