30 Days of Trans - Day 8

Day 8 - How do you deal with being read mis-genderd in the beginning of transitioning by people?

Tuesday 9^th April

How I deal with being mis-gendered by people depends on who it is that is mis-gendering me.

If its someone in a shop or restaurant then I'll ignore it but unless there is a very good reason for me to use that shop or restaurant then I wont go there again.

If its family then I bite my tongue and ignore it as much as I can because I've had long enough to accept that I was born the wrong gender and that I'm now living as the gender I always should have been. Other family members haven't had as long to get used to the idea and so I cut them as much slack as I can because it is with their love and support that I am able to do what I'm doing.

Eventually though the time will come when I have to correct them and ask them to make a bit more of an effort to get it right.

For anyone else that I know then I give them a chance but will eventually correct them if they get it wrong. Fortunately to date I've not had to do that as most people get it right, where they get it wrong then it tends to be just a slip up and when they realise what they've said they usually apologise.

30 Days of Trans - Day 7

Day 7 - Who do you look up to

Monday 8^th April

There are several trans individuals that I've heard of but there aren't really any that I look up to. 

I'm not really sure that there are people that I actually look up to, other than my parents. 

There are people that I have a lot of respect for, and people that I admire, but none of these are trans. They are people that have skills and talents that I wish I had. Some are people that I work with, others are sports people that I admire and wish I had half the ability of. Some I count as friends.

30 Days of Trans - Day 6

Day 6 - Who was the first person you told about being trans

Sunday 7^th April

The first person that I actually told about being trans was an ex. I've posted about the experience before so I wont repeat it here, so much to stay it was a tough and very emotionally charged time.

You can read about it here.

30th Days of Trans - Days 1 to 5

I came across 30 days of tran while reading another blog, it looked interesting so I thought I'd give it a go myself.

Depending on whether I have access to the internet while in Malvern I'll either post daily or save everything up and post when I get back home to Yeovil. So here's the first 5 days.

Day 1 - When did you realize the term transgender referred to you

Tuesday 2^nd April

I suppose that realizing that the term transgender referred to me is something recent, no more than a couple of years. The reason for that is that its probably only in the last couple of years that I've come across the term transgender. Previously to that if you'd asked me to describe myself I'd have used transsexual or transvestite/crossdresser depending on whether or not I'd accepted that transsexual is what I am.

If you then go back to when I first realised, if not that I should have been but, that I wished I'd been born a girl then you'd have to go back to my mid-teens when I first started to think of myself as a girl. At that time I'd never heard of any trans terms so didn't understand that I wasn't alone in feeling the way that I did, and that I could get help to correct things.

Day 2 - How did you choose your name, and what names were you thinking about using and why

Wednesday 3^rd April

When I started thinking about the name I wanted to use when I transitioned I considered keeping my initials and finding girls names that would fit the initials. The J was easy as it was always going to be Jennifer so that it could be shorted to Jenny or Jen. I'd been using Jennifer online for quite some time. The W was more problematic in that there weren't that many names that would fit with Jenny or some variation of Jennifer. In the end I decided Willow or Willa would be a good choice. Willa Jen seemed to fit and sounded a lot like my old name. Then things changed.

When I took up burlesque I had to chose a name for my alter-ego. I thought about it and also asked a friend what she thought. When she came back with a suggestion I liked it and my burlesque character was properly born. Over time though I began to like her first name more and more. Eventually it got to the point where I liked it so much that I decided that I'd use it as my name when I went full time. I dropped my first initial when I completed my Deed Poll and Jenna was born.

Day 3 - Have you ever been outed

Thursday 4^th April

Simply put yes but under differing circumstances.

A friend outed me to some other friends before I'd reached the point of transitioning, or even getting to the gender identity clinic.

My parents have outed me to family and friends where I grew up because its people that knew me before and who would have found out at some point. They've also unintentionally outed me by using the wrong pronouns when talking to people. In one case the person that I'd just been outed to turned around and light-heartedly told my Mum to “get it right”.

Day 4 - How did your family take it when you came out/ if you are not out why aren't you

Friday 5^th April

My family's reaction to my coming out varied.

My parents were good about it. Mum told me that she'd wished I'd told them when I was younger, if I'd fully understood myself well enough back then I would have.

My son was understandably upset as you can imagine, but not for the reason that I would have expected. He was upset over the fact that he would have to learn to call me she rather than he, her rather than him.

My other half actually took the news quite calmly, which was a complete surprise as I didn't expect that.

My sister took it badly, which in part was due to the fact that I told her over the phone. I'm great at dropping bombshells like that.

My in-laws reactions weren't good but have calmed down since they found out.

One of my other half's cousins took the news well from what I can tell as I'm welcome to pop in and see her when my son and other half are visiting her Aunt.

My sister's husband was a surprise as he took the news really well. Which was pretty good as I told him that I had something to tell him and he said your having a sex change, to which I replied “Oh Ok I wont bother to tell you then.” He was apologetic for being flippant but took it well when I said “No, really, that's what I'm doing”.

Day 5 - Are you active in the trans community or LGBT community

Saturday 6^th April

I'm a member of a number of online websites to do with the trans community, with the gender identity clinic I attend and at the company I work for. Other than taking part in online forums and chatting with people I'm not active within either community.

I planned to attend Bristol Pride the year before last but that didn't happen in the end. I might make it to this years if I'm actually around that weekend.

Whether not being active in either community carries on in the future I don't know.

Sisters Sisters

Yesterday evening my other half and I went grocery shopping at our local supermarket, we'd left our son at home so it was just the two of us.
As we wandered around the aisles I spotted one of our old neighbours.
The last time we saw each other was last year and I was wearing an androgynous outfit, no make-up and my hair pulled back in a pony tail.
I was tempted to say hello but as he didn't know that I'd transitioned decided that I'd leave it on this occasion.
I told my other half that I'd seen him, in fact pointing him out to her at one point.
As we were finishing up our shopping I saw him one last time and by the time we were heading for the checkouts couldn't see him anywhere. Oh well, a missed opportunity.

As we were waiting to unload our shopping at the checkout I could see him wandering in our direction. I mentioned to my other half and she turned to look. At that point he saw her and stopped to chat to her. I was facing slightly away from him and so he wasn't looking directly at my face.
He about our son and then asked about me. My other half kept looking at me and smiling as she tried to figure out how to explain that the person that was stood next to him was in fact the person he was asking about. Eventually I took pity on her and turning to face him said "well I've gone through a few changes".
He looked at me and then did a double take. The look of surprise on his face was priceless.

For the next few minutes we chatted about my job, about his daughter, his job and his wife's trip to see her parents. Eventually though I had to see to our shopping and he had to go and pay for his. Throughout the conversation his reaction was no different to how it was when we've met before.

The best part of the conversation though was when he said to me that he'd thought I was my sister. Absolutely priceless.

Some appropriate music.

Fans for the memories

Last weekend was simply awesome. More accurately last Saturday was awesome.

On Friday I went to Sherborne and had a full body wax, eyebrow wax and eye lash tint. It has been nearly a year since I saw Amz so we had lots to chat about while she worked her magic on my body and eyes. I filled her in on everything that has been happening with me and found out what has been happening in her life.

In the afternoon I paid a visit to M who is another beauty therapist but who does electrolysis and has experience of treating transsexuals.

Saturday was a nice enough day. After doing a bit of shopping and dropping my son off at Messy Church I headed to Mere and a hair appointment. I'd arranged with Lou to have my hair done because I was going to be performing at the Pink Kitten Love is in the Air student showcase.

Arriving in Mere I was stopped by a guy and his family in the car park who asked me how to get back to the A303 road. It was a short conversation but it went smoothly with no indication that he, his wife or children thought anything might be amiss. A real confidence booster.

My hair appointment went well and Lou worked her magic getting my hair into an updo with lots and lots of curls pinned at the back.

The rest of the morning and afternoon passed uneventfully. Eventually though it was time to head to Bristol. The drive up passed quickly and before I knew it I was parked outside the Pink Kitten studio.

There were a few other people there and a lot of the setting up had already been done. We had to wait a while for some of people to vacate another room which we were going to use as a dressing room but by 7pm they were gone and we'd moved all of our things into the room.

There's a lot goes on in order for a show like ours to go off successfully, everyone pitches in and does what is needed, all of us performers help each other in whatever way is needed so that we are ready to go out on stage and perform.

The opening act was a troupe routine which 8 of us performed. The theme was birds and bees with half the troupe being birds and the other half bees. I was one of the bees.
Due to circumstances we'd never had all four bees together to rehearse as a group. Even so the entire routine went down really well, with at least one part of our routine making us look more like bees than it would have done if we'd been able to rehearse together.

I'm so lucky that I get to perform with really talented women. Each bringing something different to their performances and to the shows. On Saturday there was a wide variety of performances covering burlesque, pole dancing, combinations of the two and even an aerial hammock routine. Unfortunately I didn't get to see much of the other girls routines as I was in the dressing room waiting to go on, I'd been put as tenth act, second after the interval. At least it meant that I got to see the one act that I didn't want to miss.

When the time came for me to perform I found that I wasn't as nervous as I'd expected to me. In fact I was fairly calm. I got ready, my music started to play and I was out there. I hit that first pose and ... well see for yourselves.

It wasn't perfect, I didn't quite get some things spot on but I was able to improvise at those points which was the important thing. It was also something I'd not have thought I'd have been able to do the last time I performed.

Throughout my routine I tried to engage with the audience through eye contact and acknowledging the other girls who were watching from the audience. It seemed to go down well.

After the show one woman came up to me and told me that she'd enjoyed my routine. As we were tidying up 3 women that had been in the front row came up to me and said that they'd enjoyed the routine too, one of them even gave me a hug. By the time I'd come off stage I was on such a high that I didn't really come down from it until I got home and headed for bed at about 1am.

I've had quite a bit of feedback from other since and the one thing that they all seem to highlight is my smile, the way I engage with the audience has also been pointed out.

I had such a wonderful time performing that I'm already starting to work on my next routine, it will be another fan dance but this time either using hand fans or large silk fans, I'm not sure which yet. Whichever it is there's one thing that is for certain. I'm going to thoroughly enjoy it and will be smiling throughout it.

To finish here's a couple of pictures of me in my Birds and Bees and True Love costumes.

x

Here comes the post

The last few weeks have been busy and tiring.
To start with I've been without my laptop, again, for over a week. It developed a fault and had to go off for repair. Its back now so I'm able to do things that I've not got around to.

I'm still working in Malvern, although that is only going to be until the end of April. The journey there and back takes about 3 hours at the moment because half the M5 motorway appears to be being dug up and I inevitably end up sitting in traffic jams at some point.

Life has been pretty good though. I've been able to get to Bristol every Tuesday evening to go along to the Pink Kitten Advanced Lab. That has been brilliant as its given me the chance to meet some of the others that have completed Intermediate classes and who have been working on routines to perform. Its also allowed me to work on a fan dance routine that I've been trying to sort out for a little while. Tonight will see me début the routine at the latest student showcase.
In fact I'll be performing two routines. My solo and a troupe routine with 7 of the other girls. Its going to be really good, in fact the whole show is going to be brilliant.

I've also been looking at laser hair removal and electrolysis.

Last week I had a consultation at a hospital in Exeter. It took about an hour and allowed L, who will be doing my laser sessions to look at my facial hair and to give me a test session. If anything it hurt less that the last time that I had some laser sessions. On Monday I'll be having my first proper session. It does mean that I'm going to have to remove my make-up beforehand and then reapply it before I head of for work.

Yesterday I had a consultation about electrolysis. At the moment I'm not around to book any sessions but when I'm back in home during the week then I should be able to book some sessions. I'm looking to work at removing chest hair at the moment so that I don't have to worry about shaving it, especially as it means shaving around the breast and nipple area.

On my way home last Thursday I stopped off to pick up my laptop after it had been repaired. After the chaps at PC World has spent 5 minutes trying to find it they finally managed to locate it. The guy that was completing the paperwork to return it for me was having a bit of trouble and so an older guy came over to help. He's served me before when I've been in and he's always been really friendly. As he was helping out he spoke to me and called me darling. He immediately apologised and said he hoped I didn't mind him calling me that as he'd called another lady it earlier and got told off. I waved away his apology as its always nice when people refer to me using a phrase that really applies to women and not men or both sexes.

Today I went to get my hair done, in preparation for the show. As I was making my way there a guy called to me and asked me how to get back to one of the main A roads from the car park where we were parked. We had a brief chat as I explained which way to go as his family wandered over. Their dog came to give me a sniff and a lick, and his wife apologised but again I waved away the apology and patted the dog. Little events like this have given me so much confidence as it means that people are either seeing me simply as a woman or if they aren't then they aren't fussed about it.