Today was my first day in work since I had my hair done last Thursday evening.
I arrived in work about mid morning because of a hospital appointment first thing. Having switched on my computer, checked my emails and gone over a couple of things with a colleague I went and got a cup of coffee. As I was heading back to my desk I bumped into one of the receptionists. She looked at my hair and asked "have you changed your hair colour?" I laughed off the question and said no just highlights. She looked at me and asked "is there something you want to tell me?" Again I laughed off the question and we changed the subject.
Now it my own fault but curiosity got the better of me and I emailed her to ask what made her think I might have something to tell her.
The response I got back was interesting. She told me that growing my hair longer and changing its colour, the way my skin looked softer and also the fact that she thought I'd been wearing eyeliner a few weeks previously and made her wonder about me.
Initially I denied the eyeliner but the tone of my response was such that she was mortified that she had got it so wrong. We traded a few more emails by which time she was almost ready for me to never speak to her again. Instead I got up from my desk and walked to reception.
There were just the two of us there so I went over and asked how long we'd known each other and then asked her what she thought was going on.
Again someone surprises me by noticing the changes and putting two and two together and coming up with the right answer. She looked at me and asked "are you transsexual, transgender?" Well there was no point in denying it so I told her I was TS. We were able to briefly finish the conversation and traded a few more emails.
At lunchtime as I was sitting alone eating one of the women that I've sat down and had lunch with in the past got up from her table and walked passed me. She smiled as she did. Now it could have been a completely friendly smile or something about me had amused her.
It looks like no matter how much I think that I've been keeping things under wraps, I've given off enough signs that observant people are noticing things and working out what it happening. At this rate lots of other people will begin to work out what is happening and I might have to go full time a lot sooner than planned. If I do then it will be time that counts towards my RLT, much as I really want to get this show on the road I want to do things with as much knowledge as possible.
Whatever happens from here on in I know that I have got two allies at work, not including HR. In a couple of weeks time I'll be going out for a drink with both of the women that know so that they can ask any questions that they want to and which I'll answer as best I can.
I was hoping that I could go full time after I'd been to The Laurels, which would have hopefully meant going full time in the New Year, but that might just not be possible and I might just be going full time a lot sooner than planned.
Tuesday, 12 April 2011
Friday, 8 April 2011
High pain threshold
As promised in my last post here is an update on my laser hair removal session.
A few weeks ago I started looking for someone to perform laser hair removal of my beard area. Zee had told me that I needed to go the laser route as the system she uses and also a lot of IPL systems wont do anything to my hairs as they are the wrong colour.
I searched on Google and then went and looked on UK Angels and Transgender Guide. I managed to come up with a few suggestions, both of which were in Taunton, that were within a reasonable traveling distance.
The first place I contacted the lady who ran it asked me a few questions about my skin type and hair colour and then told me that I wasn't a suitable candidate. After a few more minutes conversation I managed to persuaded her to at least do a consultation in person rather than over the phone.
I drove to Taunton, found the place and at the agreed time rang the doorbell. We went through to her treatment room where she promptly told me that by just looking I wasn't a suitable candidate. She handed me a leaflet on IPL to read so that I could understand why. I asked if she new of any other means for me to get rid of the hair in my beard areas but she wasn't really interested and didn't offer anything constructive.
I was a bit upset by this visit because its an hour round trip from my home to Taunton and back. To be dismissed within minutes with no real suggestions of any alternatives was a real letdown. On top of that plastered across the front of her home were a lot of signs, one of which read "Laser Hair Removal".
I contacted the other place that I'd found and was told by the lady on the other end of the phone that they didn't treat areas as large as a beard area. A bit disappointing but at least she saved me a trip for a consultation.
The third place I tried was a clinic in Dorset. Their response was even simpler. They didn't do hair removal.
By now, all of my initial options had panned out so I expanded my search. Eventually I came across Dr Emma Scully, who is based in Southampton. I'd found another couple of options but Emma was the person I contacted first.
I rang her one lunchtime while sitting at a picnic table outside work. I explained what I was looking forward to and Emma spoke to me for about 30 minutes explaining about hair removal, the problems I might face and ways to overcome them. I have to admit that I did suffer from information overload, although most of what Emma told me I could follow.
A couple of weeks later I rang Emma and made a booking for today, 8th April 2011.
After a perfect drive down I arrived at Emma's.
We went over a lot of the same information about problems and ways around it. Emma also asked me about when I was out in the sun last as I was a bit red, slightly tanned. Emma told me that we could still work at removing the hair but I have to start using suntan lotion when I go out in order to make sure that my skins is as pale as possible. I will be doing that as of tomorrow.
Emma eventually wrote up some notes and filled in the necessary paperwork. I have to admit I could understand the problems and if Emma had said that she would treat me this time I'd have been happy to leave things until next time.
In the end after being there an hour my skin had calmed down and was a lot paler. Emma decided to do a treatment.
We went into the treatment room and I lay on the treatment couch.
Emma kept telling me to put myself in a happy place and to try and stay relaxed. Emma started off with a patch test and when everything went fine she started with the proper treatment.
What can I say? Having the hair stripped from your body by means of applying hot wax to it which then gets torn off was no where near as painful. However, I was able to stay relaxed enough that it stung but didn't hurt too badly. The initial zaps were at either 17 or 21 joules which was sufficient to kill most hairs.
Towards the end of the treatment Emma used an air blast to numb my skin while she used and even powerful laser to zap the hairs. I think this one went up to 30 joules.
All of this actually brought tears to my eyes but I persevered and we were done.
After a few minutes any pain had gone and after another short chat I left and headed back for home.
I have to admit that the session went really well. Emma certainly knows her stuff and is able to explain things clearly. My next appointment is in 6 weeks time so I'll have to book off the afternoon.
I was quiet emotional in the car on the way home. The realisation that I was finally doing something towards going full-time was amazing. I did think that I was going to cry at one point. I may still do.
Roll on the next session.
A few weeks ago I started looking for someone to perform laser hair removal of my beard area. Zee had told me that I needed to go the laser route as the system she uses and also a lot of IPL systems wont do anything to my hairs as they are the wrong colour.
I searched on Google and then went and looked on UK Angels and Transgender Guide. I managed to come up with a few suggestions, both of which were in Taunton, that were within a reasonable traveling distance.
The first place I contacted the lady who ran it asked me a few questions about my skin type and hair colour and then told me that I wasn't a suitable candidate. After a few more minutes conversation I managed to persuaded her to at least do a consultation in person rather than over the phone.
I drove to Taunton, found the place and at the agreed time rang the doorbell. We went through to her treatment room where she promptly told me that by just looking I wasn't a suitable candidate. She handed me a leaflet on IPL to read so that I could understand why. I asked if she new of any other means for me to get rid of the hair in my beard areas but she wasn't really interested and didn't offer anything constructive.
I was a bit upset by this visit because its an hour round trip from my home to Taunton and back. To be dismissed within minutes with no real suggestions of any alternatives was a real letdown. On top of that plastered across the front of her home were a lot of signs, one of which read "Laser Hair Removal".
I contacted the other place that I'd found and was told by the lady on the other end of the phone that they didn't treat areas as large as a beard area. A bit disappointing but at least she saved me a trip for a consultation.
The third place I tried was a clinic in Dorset. Their response was even simpler. They didn't do hair removal.
By now, all of my initial options had panned out so I expanded my search. Eventually I came across Dr Emma Scully, who is based in Southampton. I'd found another couple of options but Emma was the person I contacted first.
I rang her one lunchtime while sitting at a picnic table outside work. I explained what I was looking forward to and Emma spoke to me for about 30 minutes explaining about hair removal, the problems I might face and ways to overcome them. I have to admit that I did suffer from information overload, although most of what Emma told me I could follow.
A couple of weeks later I rang Emma and made a booking for today, 8th April 2011.
After a perfect drive down I arrived at Emma's.
We went over a lot of the same information about problems and ways around it. Emma also asked me about when I was out in the sun last as I was a bit red, slightly tanned. Emma told me that we could still work at removing the hair but I have to start using suntan lotion when I go out in order to make sure that my skins is as pale as possible. I will be doing that as of tomorrow.
Emma eventually wrote up some notes and filled in the necessary paperwork. I have to admit I could understand the problems and if Emma had said that she would treat me this time I'd have been happy to leave things until next time.
In the end after being there an hour my skin had calmed down and was a lot paler. Emma decided to do a treatment.
We went into the treatment room and I lay on the treatment couch.
Emma kept telling me to put myself in a happy place and to try and stay relaxed. Emma started off with a patch test and when everything went fine she started with the proper treatment.
What can I say? Having the hair stripped from your body by means of applying hot wax to it which then gets torn off was no where near as painful. However, I was able to stay relaxed enough that it stung but didn't hurt too badly. The initial zaps were at either 17 or 21 joules which was sufficient to kill most hairs.
Towards the end of the treatment Emma used an air blast to numb my skin while she used and even powerful laser to zap the hairs. I think this one went up to 30 joules.
All of this actually brought tears to my eyes but I persevered and we were done.
After a few minutes any pain had gone and after another short chat I left and headed back for home.
I have to admit that the session went really well. Emma certainly knows her stuff and is able to explain things clearly. My next appointment is in 6 weeks time so I'll have to book off the afternoon.
I was quiet emotional in the car on the way home. The realisation that I was finally doing something towards going full-time was amazing. I did think that I was going to cry at one point. I may still do.
Roll on the next session.
Hair today, gone tomorrow
Yesterday evening I had another appointment at the hair salon.
As I sat in the chair Lou looked at me in the mirror and asked "highlights?" I nodded and then said "can we go a bit blonder?"
An hour and a half later and my hair is pretty much blonde. If there are highlights there then they are my natural hair colour. By the time that Lou had finished she was clapping her hands and telling me that she had been waiting ages to do what she'd done to my hair.
In 10 days time I'm finally going to be debuting the burlesque routine that I've been practicing. Before I went to the salon I had my last practice with by teacher. At the end of the lesson we talked about what I could do with my hair and she's lent me a book with pictures of Marilyn Monroe. Yes, I am going for the blond bombshell look.
Lou took a look through the book as she will be doing my hair on the day. She's going to put rollers in and set my hair and then we are going to play with it and see what looks good. I'll either be putting it up or we'll be adding clip-in extensions to give it a bit of length so that we can do something a bit more ambitious.
Oh, and I'll be going totally blonde, not just highlights (even extensive highlights).
I am so excited by the prospect and I am sure that my dance teacher is going to love the look. I know Lou will.
Today I'm doing something different with hair. I'm going to Southampton to have my first session of laser hair removal to get rig of the beard. Without the beard shadow I shouldn't need to use things like Dermablend to cover that part of my face when I wear make-up. With a bit of luck one of these days I might even just need a suitable foundation that I can pick up from Boots or the make-up counter at a department store.
I've spoken with the person that will be doing the hair removal, she certainly knows what she is talking about. I've also heard her recommended by others on some of the forums that I'm on. It should be an interesting experience at the very least and one that I'll share once I get back.
As I sat in the chair Lou looked at me in the mirror and asked "highlights?" I nodded and then said "can we go a bit blonder?"
An hour and a half later and my hair is pretty much blonde. If there are highlights there then they are my natural hair colour. By the time that Lou had finished she was clapping her hands and telling me that she had been waiting ages to do what she'd done to my hair.
In 10 days time I'm finally going to be debuting the burlesque routine that I've been practicing. Before I went to the salon I had my last practice with by teacher. At the end of the lesson we talked about what I could do with my hair and she's lent me a book with pictures of Marilyn Monroe. Yes, I am going for the blond bombshell look.
Lou took a look through the book as she will be doing my hair on the day. She's going to put rollers in and set my hair and then we are going to play with it and see what looks good. I'll either be putting it up or we'll be adding clip-in extensions to give it a bit of length so that we can do something a bit more ambitious.
Oh, and I'll be going totally blonde, not just highlights (even extensive highlights).
I am so excited by the prospect and I am sure that my dance teacher is going to love the look. I know Lou will.
Today I'm doing something different with hair. I'm going to Southampton to have my first session of laser hair removal to get rig of the beard. Without the beard shadow I shouldn't need to use things like Dermablend to cover that part of my face when I wear make-up. With a bit of luck one of these days I might even just need a suitable foundation that I can pick up from Boots or the make-up counter at a department store.
I've spoken with the person that will be doing the hair removal, she certainly knows what she is talking about. I've also heard her recommended by others on some of the forums that I'm on. It should be an interesting experience at the very least and one that I'll share once I get back.
Monday, 4 April 2011
Etiquette and things not to ask
Jane recently published a post over at her blog with some links to two posts that I found really interesting.
The first is Trans Etiquette for non trans people.
The second post was Ten Things Not to Say to a Trans Person.
I quite enjoyed them both so I'm quite grateful to Matt Kailey for writing them.
However, today I got my first experience of any of these in person. Today I got number 6 on the Trans Etiquette.
Got talking with a friend at work who I was thinking about coming out to. Hadn't meant to have the conversation today but she made some comments which made me realise that she guessed that I was planning to GRS.
As we were sat talking she leaned towards me and asked me whether I was going to fancy men after I'd completed GRS.
What!
Fortunately I could answer the question as I've been thinking about that question because its the 4th time that I've been asked it by people that I know who have been told of my plans. On two of the occasions, the same person was involved in asking the question. On the third occasion it was Zee from the salon who asked me. Of the people that have asked Zee is actually the only one that I was happy for to ask me the question.
So what was the answer to her question, am I going to fancy men or women after I've completed GRS. Um, you'd better go and read that etiquette post again. There's just some things that you don't ask a trans person.
The first is Trans Etiquette for non trans people.
The second post was Ten Things Not to Say to a Trans Person.
I quite enjoyed them both so I'm quite grateful to Matt Kailey for writing them.
However, today I got my first experience of any of these in person. Today I got number 6 on the Trans Etiquette.
Got talking with a friend at work who I was thinking about coming out to. Hadn't meant to have the conversation today but she made some comments which made me realise that she guessed that I was planning to GRS.
As we were sat talking she leaned towards me and asked me whether I was going to fancy men after I'd completed GRS.
What!
Fortunately I could answer the question as I've been thinking about that question because its the 4th time that I've been asked it by people that I know who have been told of my plans. On two of the occasions, the same person was involved in asking the question. On the third occasion it was Zee from the salon who asked me. Of the people that have asked Zee is actually the only one that I was happy for to ask me the question.
So what was the answer to her question, am I going to fancy men or women after I've completed GRS. Um, you'd better go and read that etiquette post again. There's just some things that you don't ask a trans person.
Monday, 28 March 2011
Guess how much I love you
Our church has made the decision, like a number of others, to allow younger children (from 7 upwards) to take communion provided that they have completed a short course in order to learn more about it and their parents agree to it. Its not a confirmation course, that will occur when they are older.
There are about a half a dozen children taking the course and they will be having their first communion on Easter Sunday. They wont necessarily be partaking of wine as suitable alternatives for the younger ones will be on offer, in fact the point had been made that perhaps now would be a good time to move away from using communion wine to something like grape juice as there are several members of the congregation who shouldn't be partaking of the tiny quantities of wine involved.
Yesterday, we had one of the course sessions in church so that everyone could run through the communion service, what is meant by each part and also for the children to get their first taste of communion wavers and wine, or juice in some cases.
As we ran through each part we discussed what the words that the vicar say and the vicar responds with means.
Now its a long time since I was confirmed and I have to admit I don't really think about the meaning of the words. I should really as they are so important to the relationship between a Christian and God.
One of the parts that we say is:
In Christ you share our life that we may live in him and he is us.
He opened his arms of love upon the cross and made the perfect sacrifice for sin.
As we talked about its meaning I was struck by the image of Jesus on the cross.
Jesus hangs on the cross with his arms so wide open in a gesture of love and greeting. After all this time taking communion it was a wow moment.
I might be getting on a bit but even this old dog can learn something new from time to time.
Guess how much I love you?
I love you this much.
There are about a half a dozen children taking the course and they will be having their first communion on Easter Sunday. They wont necessarily be partaking of wine as suitable alternatives for the younger ones will be on offer, in fact the point had been made that perhaps now would be a good time to move away from using communion wine to something like grape juice as there are several members of the congregation who shouldn't be partaking of the tiny quantities of wine involved.
Yesterday, we had one of the course sessions in church so that everyone could run through the communion service, what is meant by each part and also for the children to get their first taste of communion wavers and wine, or juice in some cases.
As we ran through each part we discussed what the words that the vicar say and the vicar responds with means.
Now its a long time since I was confirmed and I have to admit I don't really think about the meaning of the words. I should really as they are so important to the relationship between a Christian and God.
One of the parts that we say is:
In Christ you share our life that we may live in him and he is us.
He opened his arms of love upon the cross and made the perfect sacrifice for sin.
As we talked about its meaning I was struck by the image of Jesus on the cross.
Jesus hangs on the cross with his arms so wide open in a gesture of love and greeting. After all this time taking communion it was a wow moment.
I might be getting on a bit but even this old dog can learn something new from time to time.
Guess how much I love you?
I love you this much.
Friday, 11 March 2011
One step closer to starting the clock counting down to going full time
I saw the psychiatrist, in Taunton, again today and she has agreed to refer me to The Laurels Gender Identity Clinic in Exeter.
I don't know when I'll get my appointment with them as I'm now on two waiting lists. One at the clinic that my psychiatrist is at and the other at The Laurels.
When I get to the top of the list at my psychiatrist's clinic then I get referred to The Laurels and then go onto their waiting list.
With a bit of luck I'll have an appointment with The Laurels before the end of the year.
Now I simply have to start going out more as Jenny and also tell my son what is happening, but first to discuss all this with my wife so that she can make her own decision as to whether she wants to try and make a go of the marriage or not.
The decision as to whether or not to go full time before I get to The Laurels is mine. If I go full time beforehand then it works to my advantage as the time counts towards my Real Life Test, if I wait until I get to the GIC then I have to start the RLT at that point.
Having given it a little bit of thought, not too much but it was fairly obvious which option I'd choose, I've decided that I'm going to wait until I get to The Laurels in order to go full time so that I can have all the information that I need in order to go do things properly, things like how to go about telling work colleagues, changing my name and everything.
I've also got to think long and hard about whether I want to have full surgery or stop short. At the moment I want to have the full surgery. Having discussed my sexuality with the psychiatrist and having her give me two different viewpoints on that I will be waiting a while to make a final decision on that.
I was a little bit emotional after I left and was driving to Bristol. I'd have burst into tears if I wasn't so good at keeping my emotions under control and also wasn't doing 70 on the motorway.
An hour and a half of dance lesson did me the world of good though. I've got my burlesque routine sorted out, including all the bits to add a bit of POW! to it. One more lesson in the middle of April and then I will be performing it to some friends at the end of April so 6 weeks until Jenna Von Risque performs her first burlesque show. After that point I'll probably start going to the classes and learn a routine as part of a group. Once I've done that, well as my first routine is going to be me and not a character we jokingly said my third routine would be Dorothy from the the Wizard of Oz, my teacher said we could do it if she could be the Cowardly Lion. I might just remind her of that at some point!
I don't know when I'll get my appointment with them as I'm now on two waiting lists. One at the clinic that my psychiatrist is at and the other at The Laurels.
When I get to the top of the list at my psychiatrist's clinic then I get referred to The Laurels and then go onto their waiting list.
With a bit of luck I'll have an appointment with The Laurels before the end of the year.
Now I simply have to start going out more as Jenny and also tell my son what is happening, but first to discuss all this with my wife so that she can make her own decision as to whether she wants to try and make a go of the marriage or not.
The decision as to whether or not to go full time before I get to The Laurels is mine. If I go full time beforehand then it works to my advantage as the time counts towards my Real Life Test, if I wait until I get to the GIC then I have to start the RLT at that point.
Having given it a little bit of thought, not too much but it was fairly obvious which option I'd choose, I've decided that I'm going to wait until I get to The Laurels in order to go full time so that I can have all the information that I need in order to go do things properly, things like how to go about telling work colleagues, changing my name and everything.
I've also got to think long and hard about whether I want to have full surgery or stop short. At the moment I want to have the full surgery. Having discussed my sexuality with the psychiatrist and having her give me two different viewpoints on that I will be waiting a while to make a final decision on that.
I was a little bit emotional after I left and was driving to Bristol. I'd have burst into tears if I wasn't so good at keeping my emotions under control and also wasn't doing 70 on the motorway.
An hour and a half of dance lesson did me the world of good though. I've got my burlesque routine sorted out, including all the bits to add a bit of POW! to it. One more lesson in the middle of April and then I will be performing it to some friends at the end of April so 6 weeks until Jenna Von Risque performs her first burlesque show. After that point I'll probably start going to the classes and learn a routine as part of a group. Once I've done that, well as my first routine is going to be me and not a character we jokingly said my third routine would be Dorothy from the the Wizard of Oz, my teacher said we could do it if she could be the Cowardly Lion. I might just remind her of that at some point!
Wednesday, 2 March 2011
Fill in the blanks
Livi over at Livi's Little Bubble posted a response to a post by HUN over at Up North, entitled “Fill in the blanks”.
It was interesting so here is my take on it.
I am...
lots of things
reliable
strong
intelligent
loyal
loved
someone colleagues go to for help and to ask questions.
a friend
a son/daughter
a brother/sister - although the last is a bit of a sore point
a parent
a budding burlesque performer
a transsexual
and not what you expect
but most of all
I am me and what I make of myself.
The bravest thing I have ever done...
was staying strong for my family when my son relapsed for the second time after treatment for Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia and needed a bone marrow transplant. A transplant that we weren't given very good odds of it being successful. Nearly three years on and he's still with us even though we've had a few scares along the way.
I feel prettiest when...
Lou has done my hair. When my highlights have been redone, my hair has been trimmed and then put into a bit more of a feminine style for me to go home with.
Something that keeps me awake at night is...
paying the bills, being busy at work and having a particularly interesting problem to resolve, transitioning and how people will react, thinking about those people that are really special to me.
My favourite meal is...
anything that includes mushrooms or strawberries but not both in the same dish. I love mushrooms, I could eat a huge plate of them on their own. There is something about button mushrooms whether whole or cut in halved that makes them taste delicious. I love strawberries, especially if they come with several scoops of vanilla icecream. Bliss.
The way to my heart is...
to tell me that you love me, accept how I really am and not the person that is presented to the majority of world at the moment, to want to help me to grow and to release the woman that is inside. To tell me all these and to be honest and truthful when you do, not to tell me what you think I want to hear. To be that special person for whom I will open my heart and allow myself to become vulnerable to whatever you do or say.
I would like to be...
loved by someone really special, who understands me and supports me and wants to see me grow as a woman.
It was interesting so here is my take on it.
I am...
lots of things
reliable
strong
intelligent
loyal
loved
someone colleagues go to for help and to ask questions.
a friend
a son/daughter
a brother/sister - although the last is a bit of a sore point
a parent
a budding burlesque performer
a transsexual
and not what you expect
but most of all
I am me and what I make of myself.
The bravest thing I have ever done...
was staying strong for my family when my son relapsed for the second time after treatment for Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia and needed a bone marrow transplant. A transplant that we weren't given very good odds of it being successful. Nearly three years on and he's still with us even though we've had a few scares along the way.
I feel prettiest when...
Lou has done my hair. When my highlights have been redone, my hair has been trimmed and then put into a bit more of a feminine style for me to go home with.
Something that keeps me awake at night is...
paying the bills, being busy at work and having a particularly interesting problem to resolve, transitioning and how people will react, thinking about those people that are really special to me.
My favourite meal is...
anything that includes mushrooms or strawberries but not both in the same dish. I love mushrooms, I could eat a huge plate of them on their own. There is something about button mushrooms whether whole or cut in halved that makes them taste delicious. I love strawberries, especially if they come with several scoops of vanilla icecream. Bliss.
The way to my heart is...
to tell me that you love me, accept how I really am and not the person that is presented to the majority of world at the moment, to want to help me to grow and to release the woman that is inside. To tell me all these and to be honest and truthful when you do, not to tell me what you think I want to hear. To be that special person for whom I will open my heart and allow myself to become vulnerable to whatever you do or say.
I would like to be...
loved by someone really special, who understands me and supports me and wants to see me grow as a woman.
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